i'm miserable

i hate my job. actually, that's not true. i hate my boss. but even more than i hate her, i hate what all this hate is doing to me. i'm constantly tired. i have no desire to see friends or talk to people. it took all of my energy to be spunky for half an hour with the outdoorsman (you ain't no wannabe in my book) but in the back of my head all i could think about was how lunch would be over far too soon...

but mostly, i hate how i've lost the will to blog.

so, in an effort to not let the worksies get me down, i've decided to do something about it. that something being... look for a new job! cause, ya know, it was so much bloody fun six months ago, i can only imagine how much fun it'll be this time around.

but, have no fear gentle readers, my misery did not cloud my eyes so much that i missed the fact that blog war III has begun. i was just pushed further into my emo funk by realizing that the humanist thinks that exposition is the same as truly baring one's soul and that the number of comments your blog receives is a sure sign that you're an excellent blogger. those of us who have integrity don't blog to be discussed or commented on, we hope to leave our readers (if we have any) with a sense of introspection and enlightenment. or to just get a lot of shit off our chests.

so, yes, kind sir, if you feel the need to fight the forces of niceness and self-examination, i'll take you on. just try not to cry into your blog when i'm done with you.

<3

ryan gosling and rachel mcadams are back together!


this really makes me much happier than is probably normal.

history lesson

the humanist has called my "punk ass" out. i'll accept his challenge, but methinks it would first be appropriate to take a stroll down memory lane... lest history repeat itself:

blog war the first:

my challenge: write about sports and post youtube videos.
uh, that's a check and a double check.

the humanist's challenge: write about his feelings,
...

i think they call that a forfeit, my friend.

blog war the second:
(get corporate sponsorship)

me: greenfern, ahem, greenfern

the humanist: ...


so, uh, yeah. feel free to tell me what the terms are. i'll gladly beat yo' ass down!

petition

there are important matters to discuss. the royal toybox briefly reopened 9 days ago and then disappeared again. i completely understand that he has 3 lovely ladies who deserve his attention much more than the rest of us, but i think it'd be really cool if the propreitor of said toybox returned to musing about his daily adventures on a much more regular basis. i miss the funny witticisms!

(feel free to sign below if you too need more RT in your life.)

?!

i went to the dentist this morning. normally going to the dentist is fun. i watch the "finding nemo"-esque aquarium, watch some tv, get told how great my teeth are and then i go on my way.

not today. today i was told i have 3 cavities (my first, second and third ever!) and that one might require a root canal. he then showed me pictures of what looked like the insides of a cartoon tooth getting sucked out through cartoon straws. i no longer like cartoons. just kidding on the last part.

also, i have TMD which i suspected due to the blinding pain i sometimes feel when i yawn or eat. also, when someone turns to you in the middle of a movie and asks if you could "keep that down" and they are referring to your jaw, you know there is a problem.

but - there's a plus side to this! i haven't been hallucinating, there really is a reason why my ears hurt all the time - it's my defective jaw! isn't that funny? want to know the best part? there's no cure! man, i'm so stoked. if i stop chewing gum and opening my mouth wide and buy a $500 mouth guard that my insurance doesn't cover and essentially never use my mouth again there's a good chance the pain won't get worse. in fact, it may even get slightly better.

i fucking hate going to the dentist.

third times the charm

but im willing to go a fourth if you want.

...see you saturday.

happy anniversary!

today is my 6 month anniversary in chicago! i sure hope i got myself something pretty...

this past weekend was pretty exciting. i went to bed at 8:30 PM on friday (man, that was so amazing) and on saturday i went and got the most enjoyable eyebrow wax ever. seriously, i would go there everyday if that wouldn't be super creepy and rather pointless. and then i went out clubbing. i don't often "club" and i don't often bring the girls out to play, ya know what i'm saying? i don't think i'm ever going to go clubbing again. or, if i do, i am going to insist that my friend that i thought was gay but really wanted to prove to me how gay he wasn't waits with me on the corner while i attempt to catch a cab at 3 AM and am told by a large scary man to "get the fuck in my SUV now, bitch!" luckily, my shoes hurt so i was more mad than scared. actually, i still am mad. who the heck was he to tell me what to do? pff, it's not like it was a lincoln navigator. and then there were the guys in the limo. stupid drunk is stupid annoying.

the more i think about it, the more i'm thinking that i was mistaken for a prostitute. which means prostitutes lead very busy lives full of all kinds of obnoxious people. they deserve every penny they make. and i hope those guys tip.

and my favorite part of that night - i was wearing j.crew. can't guys recognize silk chiffon when they see it?

on sunday i went to my first cubs game since high school. my coworkers are so nice to take me out and not make fun of me when i ask if the ball went out of bounds. "yes... that was a foul ball." "oh, foul, right. want a beer?"

but it was a great way to spend a sunday afternoon and it's always fun to watch little kids get super excited over stuff.

FYI, i have a crush on michael phelps.

how could i resist?

it's called wasabi green.

authority on the matter

you know you've made it when people call you at work to ask what the story is behind the assault allegations christian bale has had to deal with of late. my official opinion? his mom and sister are just trying to get some money out of him. or maybe they're mad they didn't get asked to the premiere. but there is no way a man that attractive assaulted someone. and have they seen the batman movies? he only assaults assaulters. and if that isn't enough to make you want to drop the charges, pretend patrick bateman is your sweet, baby boy.

but my camp agrees, christian deserves a hug and a pint. if i hurry, i might be able to catch the end of the premiere in barcelona.

enough with the whining!

anyone else tired of listening to me complain about how much i hate having a job when the economy is terrible and most people would be thankful to have a job that involves poop, much less a job that involves ergonomic chairs? not that i've figured out how to make mine comfy yet, but that's hardly the point.

i think my boss and i, through a complex series of non-conversations, have finally figured out how to communicate with each other. now, when she gives me an assignment and uses strange terms (i had no idea a "schedule" was a "spreadsheet" before i started working here) i know what questions to ask and then when i give her a first draft she acts impressed instead of disappointed! it makes going to work happier. so does the lack of poop. :)

the only other thing we need to work on is getting her to approve my days off. she wanted to know what they were, i told her, and now she won't tell me if they're ok. but, to heck with it, the flights are booked and here's what's up.

• august 8, arrive around 6 PM. i'm making my future roomie pick me and my polka-dot suitcase up and take me to boozemas (she hasn't agreed yet, but i'm sure she'll come around). it's on gabrielle st., how could i miss it?! plus, this will be a great chance for me to see a bunch of people i haven't seen since i permenantly turned my clocks back an hour.
• august 9, i hope to hang out with the 44 crowd. either at 44, on the patio, or at harley's place is fine. heck, we could hang out in a parking lot and it'd be fun! you guys are so cool.
• august 10, family time! i expect this to involve a lot of food.
• august 11, ERIE COUNTY FAIR! this, too, will involve a lot of food, though of a different caliber. and there's piggy races! you can come too, it's a pretty swell time.
• august 12, thinking i'll spend some time with the grandparents. cause, ya know, i haven't eaten enough already. and then i fly home, taking up two seats.

so, that's my plan. i like this plan. it has the makings of a good plan.

did i manage to go a whole post with no whining? i didn't, did i... oh well, on a completely non-whiny note, let me just mention again that i really do miss you guys. i know i talk about all the awesome stuff here, and it is awesome, but the chicago-awesomeness doesn't make your awesomeness any less awesome. i get really excited about coming back to buffalo and seeing you guys. i just did the thing where you smile really big and scrunch your shoulders up cause you thought about something that makes you happy. and that thought was about each and every one of you.

don't look at me like that! i made no claims about removing "cheese" or "mush" or "mushy cheese" from my blog. besides, you know you like it.

allow me to elaborate

but first - happy birthday, bridget!

typing apostrophes makes my computer try to find things. it sucks.

i find it really hard to believe that "the dark knight" was only rated pg-13. if i had watched that as a 13 year old, i"d be sucking my thumb like nobody"s business. dont get me wrong, i loved it. but not in the "i cant wait to buy it and watch it a bazilliony bajillon times!" way, because i dont want to suck my thumb. that was some disturbing and sad and dark shit, yo. but it was incredibly well done and pretty gosh darn true to the comics, both in style and actual happenings. and the music was perfect. i only have one issue, and it is a minor one, having to do with a minor character, when instead they could have set her up to be a bigger player. but it worked, and i have to say, i am happy. i also love things that show off my beautiful city and my office building too. :)

i like where chris nolan's going with this and i can't wait to see more. my only question is...

when's my girl harley gonna get some screen time?

it"s time i just admit it

you know how i was unemployed for 2.5 months? it has ruined me. cause now, i never want to work again. NEVER. stupid lack of rich husband.

also, my date with colin was "eh." it"s quite possible he was as nervous as i was until i suddenly remembered that i"m AWESOME, so if he calls i"ll give him a second chance, but if he doesnt call, i certainly wont be heartbroken.

also, my camera broke again, and even though, starting in august when my student loans kick back in, i will be poorer than poor, i think now is the perfect time to upgrade. so, gentle readers, what do you snap shots with? what do you like about your gadgetry and what do you wish was different?

now specialiizing in movie reviews

wow

poor little dork girl

no, i am not going to a midnight showing. why? cause none of my friends in chicago are "cool" enough to go with me, and 3 am is a bit late for a cutie such as myself to wander the streets alone. as is, i may have to go alone tomorrow night. oh, i've reserved two tickets, i figure i can make friends by scalping one. maybe i'll right my phone number on it.

speaking of that, i called. left a cute message ("hey, glad to hear you like shots. i also like shots, and full-sized drinks and things that don't involve alcohol!) on tuesday. he called wednesday morning. didn't leave a message. confusing. so i just called back ("tag - you're it!" cause i'm in sixth grade) and said i didn't know if he was being sneaky or my phone was being jerky.

with any luck, i'll actually talk to him, and he'll take my second ticket (if we ever do go on a date, do i have to pay since i started this? if so, i hate equal rights for both sexes) and then we'll have the best first date ever in the history of firsts.

OMG! THIS JUST IN! my phone rang! caller ID said "Colin"! i answered! we spoke! it was like we were actually using the phone for what it was intended for! and we chatted like we've had conversations before (we hadn't) and it was fun! and if his friend didn't get him a ticket to pitchfork music fest (chicago has more fests than i know what to do with, so i don't go to any of them) to see public enemy (badass) he is totally going to see "the dark knight" with me tomorrow! hurray!

now, should i warn him ahead of time about what a bat-freak i am, or just let him figure it out?

!!!

updaterific!

a call was made. a message was left. i figured it was important to mention that i like shots and drinks that come in full-sizes and even things that don't involve alcohol at all! i'll be sure to keep you posted, as i know your breath is bated. :) and once the hypothetical hanging out occurs, i'll be sure to inquire as to any females suitable for the humanist.

here's something you're sure to find chuckle-worthy: i have a 90's themed party to go to this weekend, and i have no idea what to wear. i could create a soundtrack like nobody else (or at least like everybody else who thinks the 90s were when all the best music was made), but all i remember wearing in the 90s was a lot of flannel (i did still bathe) and then my jammies when i was in college. i refuse to go as daria or lisa loeb. yeah, i know, i share red hair, glasses and two arms with them, so clearly we look alike.

i am developing a bitchin' scar on my left shin from when i went (man-made) white water rafting and fell out of the two-person kayak and hit a (man-made) rock. part of me wants to just proudly display it, but too many people were cringing and getting grossed out instead of giving me the props i deserve (i bled and got back on that river and showed it who's boss) , so i got some of that "scar-be-gone" stuff. i'll let you know how it works, in case you have any battle wounds you want to lose.

DILEMMA!

i stayed in saturday night - seeing as how i felt no desire to go clubbing (and when i asked what i should wear and was told "club wear" i was then too embarassed to ask what that meant) and everyone else i know was either at a wedding or passed out from an afternoon cubs game, this seemed like a wise choice. this wise choice led to me going to brunch sunday morning. i like brunch. i also like sharing 32 oz. bloody marys. our waiter was pretty cute, in that teddy bear kinda way, and he was funny and nice and quite attentive. he gave us free shots that were delicious. lemon drops are the bestest-est.

cut to "time to go" time. betsy has been telling me for the last two hours that i need to give this waiter, (psst, his name is colin) my number. the check has come, i've teased him for ringing us up wrong and betsy is now lamenting that this chap is "gabby-number-less." she decides that i should take the napkin that our sugary lemons came on and write, "hey baby, i shook the sugar off this napkin, but if you want some more sugar, give me a call." i told her that was horrible, and very misleading, but in all reality, that's something i would tell someone to write.

i went with a tame "if you ever want to do more shots, give me a call." and then i left my name and number, as i thought he might need those. as if. and then i proceeded to go about my day, never expecting to hear from him. (side note, in going about my day, i got hit on by a homeless man. he asked for my number and then said, "yeah right, like i have a phone! hey, how i take you to dinner, but you pay? hehehehe!" he was pretty cool.)

but then he (not the homeless dude) called. an hour later. left a message about how he got my "offer", spends a lot of time being a waiter, but only until he gets out of school and gets a real job, and that i should swing by stanley's (the scene of the crime) or give him a call when i want to hang out. only he sounded more enthused about it than that bland translation let on.

sounds good, right? WRONG! i don't know what the eff i'm doing! i have no idea how to date! all i've ever done is make my friends more than friends, or cut to the chase and then never speak to them again. i have no idea how this courting thing works. i had to get advice on when to call him back (tomorrow is the consensus) which is good cause i still have no idea what to say. "so, yeah, i left you my number cause i was 'triple-dog-dared' to, and now i have no idea what to do next. you have any ideas?"

i can only come across as psycho. help.

when the cat's away...

and the IT filters are down, the mice do blog.

have i mentioned in the last five minutes how happy i am to be in chicago? i made more friends! apparently, i am an incredibly awesome person to hang out with. or, as the work hottie put it, "damn, you're cool. how are you single?" umm, cause you're already dating someone else. even when i'm telling some guy i just met to stop being a lil' bitch cause my friend/coworker/recent birthday girl didn't listen to his mixed tape yet, i'm adored. no, really. allow me to play stenographer:
LB: "i can't believe you didn't listen to it yet."
BD Girl: "get over it."
me: "what's the big deal? did you write the songs?"
LB: "no..."
me: "do the songs express your truest undying emotions?"
LB: "not really..."
me: "then what are you whining about? cause she doesn't want to subject herself to what's sure to be your crappy taste in music? now shut up and carry the cake downstairs, i'm hungry."
LB: "she's really cool, i think i love her."
BD Girl: "i loved her first."

so, yes, chicago is fun. but i'm glad i'm here for a sorta less fun reason. my aunt in mill-wah-kay may have lupus. she's single, no kids, and while she has a ton of friends who love her dearly, if she ends up needing some round the clock care, i'm so happy i'm only a train-ride away. i really hope it doesn't come to that because it would crush her to no longer be independent, but i know it makes it easier on the whole family, and aunt patti, to know that someone is near by. especially when that person has experience cleaning cat boxes. (hey, not everyone can hack it.) hopefully, her symptoms will turn out to be caused by something else entirely, but until we know i won't be planning any trips back to the b-lo, which kinda stinks cause i miss all of you (especially after i took my first sailing lesson last night and was like, "you know who would love this?! everyone i know!") but i'm happy to be where i hopefully won't be needed.

just like i said i would

i'm not usually one for bragging, but i'm willing to make an exception. it just so happens that my life is so totally better than yours. oh sure, i'm exhausted from being fabulous all the time and i don't have a significant other, but seeing as how the thought of dating someone makes me all queasy and ickly feeling i'm actually going to count that as a check on the plus side. no, really, it's so bad that the second a a cutie starts to flirt with me i freak out and start looking for the quickest exit. unless they're adorable 22-year-old hang-gliding instructors in training. and hang-gliding, btw, is amazing. it's like being a bird. really, you should try it. especially if you play rock-paper-scissors first with your new friend to see who gets to ride tandem with the very attractive instructor and win. and then go out drinking with everyone that night, except that you and your new friend started drinking like, 7 hours ago because it was too windy to fly and there's nothing else to do in central illinois. so yeah, when we got to the bar, i have to admit that i was a little disappointed that it didn't have more local flavor. you know, people missing teeth. this place was really nice, but once they started playing kid rock, i knew i was in the right place. oh, one other way to know you're in the right place. when you order 7 top shelf drinks and the total is $21.50. $21.50. freaking amazing. so, really, what i'm saying, is that you should go hang-gliding with someone attractive while you're buzzed. yeah, you definitely should try that.

ok, so maybe my life isn't totally better than yours, but it sure is totally better than when i first moved here and had to gimp around and spend all my time staring at my cat. man, what a hoot. if i haven't mentioned it lately, i am super glad i moved here. but as much as i make new friends here, i still miss all of you. i have no doubt that i'll be back soon so we can all be fabulous together. doesn't that just sound smashing?

and why am i using only the corniest of adjectives?

my adventures, let me share them with you

i left work today at 5:17 PM today. i figured that since i show up late, i should probably leave late. that's an HR trick for all of you. i got to the corner of state and madison around 5:25 and proceeded to wait for the 147 bus. i like taking the bus home cause then you get to look at the lake and get all relaxed and happy before you open the door to a whiny cat. but the bus didn't show up! lots of other buses did, but they were all inferior in both route number and destination. after 20 minutes of waiting (instead of the usual 20 nanosecnds) i figured i had better take the unscenic train. but the train was closed! no one could take it! and then i saw a 147 go by but it was so packed with people they wouldn't let anyone on.

so i took a 151. superior in route number but so much slower. no biggie, it was a nice day, and it'll take me to my doorstep like the 147. or will it? this one decided to stop at belmont with no warning. i know there was no warning and not a warning that i missed cause i was rocking out cause everyone else looked confused. so i figured i'd walk up to broadway and catch the 36. but first i had some chipolte. yummy.

i went outside to catch the 36 and ran into my college roommate's sister's roommate! how random! so we both get on the 36 and make small and medium sized talk and then she gets off cause she lives more south than me and i'm chillng and not rocking out when the driver says that this bus will stop at foster. what? it's suppossed to go to my doorstep, like it always does!

so i got off at wilson and took the red line the rest of the way home.

and at what time did i finally see my extra whiny kitty? 8:14. yep, it took me almost 3 hours to get home today. luckily, it was filled with entertaining folk that were only scary 60% of the time.

constructive criticism

i joined weight watchers. i've been feeling pretty dumpy about the fact that i look dumpy for quite some time so i decided to do something about it. especially when the fatty-fatmore (it's still ok to make fun of mountains of smelly flesh, right?) was pissed when i sat next to her on the bus. seriously, this snorting-evil-eye-giving beeotch was so huge she hasn't been able to close her legs since before monica lewinsky opened hers. and she's giving me grief?! that definitely means it's time for me to change something. so, next time you see me, be sure to comment on how awesome i look. and then give me back all the clothes i gave you.

in other news, i really like my job. it's very different from that other job i had in that this job requires me to go to parties i didn't plan at the four seasons (yummilicious! - so good it deserved a new word) and work on spreadsheets all day and not talk to anyone i don't want to. plus, it's in chicago, which is nice, because chicago is swell. things with danielle are going really well (watch me as i talk about my platonic friend like she's a boy+friend). although i was really bummed when she convinced me that jin is in fact dead and did not make it off the boat and is now hiding in korea for some indeterminate reason. we're going to have to work on her supporting my alternate realities. i think i finally broke her of her christian bale crush. i do not share my hopeless crushes.

speaking of crushes, james marsden is really cute! i couldn't respect him as a hottie before because he always played those lame "sure, you can flirt with my wife" guys, but in 27 dresses he was a little prick and i loved him for it! i hope i can find a sarcastic jerk someday who gives props to elton john and cries at weddings. also, the untucked button-down with jacket and jeans/baggy khakis is the hottest look for any guy, ever. before a guy leaves the house, in my opinion, he should stand in front of a mirror holding a puppy. if he looks like he belongs on the cover of j.crew, he's good to go. if not, call me. we can work it out.