Monday, January 23, 2012

hi again

you know it's been a while since you've last blogged when you can't even remember your login info. that's embarrassing.

so... i remember this being really easy to do. and now i just feel really awkward like people are going to read this and know how awkward i actually am, except they probably already do, so i guess that makes it ok.

something dawned on me recently, and i have to admit, it kinda threw me for a loop. and then i was shocked that it threw me for a loop since it's kind of a no-brainer. see, upon my last trip home, i finally realized that things change when you leave. the logical (i.e. ignored) part of my brain knew this would happen, and it was one of the reasons leaving buffalo was so hard, but the irrational (loudest) part of my brain said that things, on some level, would always be the same.

that's not true.

i'm sure every person believes they're the protagonist in their own lives and is an essential supporting character in the lives of others. i readily admit i'm more narcissistic than is probably good for me, but i don't think i'm alone in thinking that. which is why it feels like a jug of gatorade was just dumped on my head (only without the elation of winning a game - hurray for sports references i don't really get!) when it finally sunk in that THE LIVES OF OTHERS CONTINUED TO CHANGE WHEN I WASN'T AROUND.

shocking, i know.

the only thing that makes me feel slightly less sheepish for being so self-centered is that when i've talked to other friends who've moved away, they had the same reaction. "you can't go home again" because you won't find the same home you left behind. it doesn't mean it's a worse home, but it does mean i need to be less self-centered. and it probably wouldn't hurt to spend some time seeing what the other protagonists have been up to.