Tuesday, December 16, 2008

new favorite hobby

i love googling missed calls that don't leave messages. although, sometimes, the results are shocking.

i just missed a call from curves.

it's like they knew, that for the briefest of moments today, i thought about joining in a manner that was slightly less sarcastic than usual.

well, there's no way i'm joining their creepy, telepathic gym now. that'll teach 'em.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

resting on my laurels

haven't felt much of a need to blog ever since the humanist finally came to his senses and realized i am the better blogger. but really, trying to compare him and i is like trying to compare stephen king and jane austen; except that i'm not sure i'd really want to be either of those. i guess it'd be safer to say that we're like the proverbial apple and orange: both terrific, just depends on what you have a taste for.

i had a whole bunch of stuff to talk about, but i've completely forgot what all of it was over the last month. sorry 'bout that.

i'll do better next time, former scouts honor.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

in brief

watched a bunch of movies lately. here's what i have to say:

the professional - got milk?

speed racer - if NASCAR was as cool as the WRL i'd become a redneck right now.

indiana jones and the skull made out of crystal in a temple - aliens? really? did you really need to bring aliens into it?

batman: gotham knight - kinda like the animatrix, except that the live-action film that follows it doesn't suck.

get smart - oh steve carrell, you're so cute and silly!

did i mention i have this horrible habit of feeling horrible on the weekends? it means i'm great at going to work and gives me lots of time to watch movies on the weekends. livin' the american dream people - that's me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

haven't done this in a while

have you missed the long, rambling, incredibly emotional posts? yeah, me too.

i can't believe prop 8 passed. i can't tell if i want to throw up or throw my laptop out the window. actually, if i did that, i probably would throw up after. i would never hurt you, baby.

in answer to your question, yeah, i am for realz on the whole peace corps thing. just like that very emotional msnbc man who said in video what i feebly attempt to say via blogging, i'm disgusted, nay, repulsed with my fellow americans right now. i don't know many gay people, and i certainly don't know their tales of hardship, but i still feel it is everyone's right to marry. i don't need first or second hand knowledge or desires or experiences to know that everyone should have that choice. i hope i never have to make the choice and don't know what i would choose if i did, but i still think all women should be able to have abortions. i just don't know what makes someone think it's so wrong to have choices. to decide for themselves what will make them happy. give their lives meaning. make them feel whole.

i'll tell you something, you faceless masses, that i never told anyone. one of the things that started my disenchantment with the roz had nothing to do with being accused of stealing, or being "underpaid and overworked" or any of that other crap. it was when the state announced that they were extending insurance benefits in a slightly better way to homosexual couples and my "mentor," the woman i looked up to and who in many ways was like my office mother for years, was offended by this. didn't think they deserved benefits at all. it wasn't the way god wanted us to live.

i let it slide when she looked down on me for living with my boyfriend when i wasn't married. a bit old school for my tastes, but i didn't hold it against her.

that day when i saw the horror in her eyes that "the gays" were getting treated almost like equals, i lost all respect for her. gone. here was a woman who be her own admission had gone through a terrible divorce and had first hand knowledge that not even all bible-approved marriages work, and she still thought that two guys or two gals didn't deserve the same choice. her broken marriage had more credibility than their potential ones.

let me tell ya, training was a real joy for me after that. she had a lot to teach me, but none of it seemed important.

where was i going with this? oh, right, the peace corps. i have some very selfish reasons for applying, which i'm sure we'll get to in subsequent posts, in addition to the whole "no matter how hard you try to assimilate there's a good chance you still may get sexually assaulted by the very people you're trying to help" warning that's at the very top of the webpage. yeah, we might have 3 or 5 dozen posts on that.

but, essentially, altruistic or not, my goal is this - to fucking make a difference. idealistic? yes. doable? oh fuck yeah. going to china or kenya or some country i've never heard of (i bet there's a lot of those) won't help gay americans marry, but it'll help. someone with something. that's really all i'm going for here.

and if i meet a homophobic californian they better hope to their narrow-minded, pathetic god* that my kick-boxing skills have worn off.

*i don't think all gods are pathetic - just the ones stupid people do stupid things in the name of.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

getting both feet wet.

i could've gone out tonight. i thought about it. considered it. picked out what i was going to wear and contemplated which lipstick would best match the shirt and make me look darling at the same time.

but, as you can probably tell, i decided against it.

i didn't feel like going to a bar or club or lounge and talking about things that don't matter while drinking someone else's idea of a good martini. (you want to know what sucks about chicago - no one knows how to make a good drink and they all make up for it by charging twice as much. yeah, that logic doesn't make sense to me either.)

instead, i decided to sit and think about what i really want to do. not tonight, but all those other nights in the future. and the days too. i've been looking for other jobs but nothing really interests me. i feel like it would just be a case of same crap bigger paycheck, or, if i'm really lucky, bigger crap same paycheck.

so, after applying to all those jobs that hold no interest for me (and let me tell you, my lack of interest is also clearly showing in my declining interview skills. i have no idea how desperate one suitor must have been to bring me back for a second helping) i did some research and finally did what i've wanted to do for years, but was always just too afraid.

i applied to join the peace corps.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

blue is my second favorite color

i'm not gonna get all political on ya, best to leave that to the pros. or, at the very least, best to leave that to the people who should quit their day jobs and become full-time political bloggers.

but, i am incredibly proud of my country right now. i'll admit it, i haven't been so proud lately. but all that changed when i updated my google news feed wednesday morning.

i feel a really uplifting sense of hopefulness right now. that maybe obama can be our "third time's the charm" when it comes to ending racism (i'm counting lincoln and MLK, Jr in there - my apologies to rosa parks and countless others). we've had our growing pains. now it's time to suck it up and act like a mature country. ya know, use our power repsonsibly, like spidey would want us to.

i probably should have gone to grant park on tuesday, but i really don't like crowds. or portapotties. still, i'm glad it happened, regardless of my preference for indoor plumbing.

Monday, October 13, 2008


so, how've you been? me, well, i'm feeling a lot better. i just don't bounce back from strep like i used to, but i finally have some pep in my step. you can tell, from the lack of blogging, that i've left my computer to go do things that are exciting and fun and that simply can't be done in buffalo.

ya know, like, watching "veronica mars" dvds. which i actually do do (hehe) at my computer. but the point is not where i do it, the point is that you should do it! and, if the next time you see me, i'm acting all sassy and say funny things, just know that kristen bell has been a good influence on me, and may have created a monster accidentally.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008


i hate to admit it, but my doc was right on to make me stay home today. i just don't bounce back from strep like i used to.

the good side of this is that i've had the opportunity to seriously bleach my abode (strep-ti-yuck-us germs hate the stuff) and i've seen some excellent movies too.

"ghost rider" is just the movie you need to watch if you have a friend over and a spare six-pack. be prepared to giggle at ridiculousness and quote the stupidity for the rest of the night. or morning, depending on when you watch it. the new york times asks if "the world is ready for a flaming nicolas cage." i say, "flame on."

"dan in real life" made me so happy i almost teared up. i would have, except that antibiotics make me dehydrated. this movie also made me really glad that my sister is 9.34 years younger than me, as i think that makes the chances of us falling for the same guy really slim. she may be a mature 19, and i an immature 28, but there's a still a lot of middle ground in there that neither of us is crossing.

after watching "boondock saints" and realizing the whole batman similarity (which i do not see everywhere i look) i decided to watch some actual batman. "batman and the mask of the phantasm" is fantastic. i love it when bats falls for a girl, and the girl has to leave because her daddy is mixed up with the wrong crowd and then she comes back as a villain. (this has happened once or twice.) cause really, if bats and a lady friend ever worked it out, that'd be the end of batman. and then i'd have to start reading spidey or supes. flame on, indeed.

Monday, October 06, 2008

more notes to self

  • electric toothbrushes don't work very well without electricity. i mean, really not well.
  • it's pretty selfish of my boss to tell me i'm not allowed to go to work tomorrow cause i'm contagious. now i'm just going to have to go infect everyone in nordstrom.
  • "boondock saints" - what would happen if batman was irish. and had a twin. who would also be irish.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

notes to self

  • you can get drunk on white wine. i don't know why this lesson is so hard for me to learn.
  • being sick isn't fun, but sometimes it leads to dreams that feature queen latifah, and that is fun.
  • facebook can lead to awkward moments. like the post-makeout "don't bother calling, let's just be facebook friends" or people from your high school that you really don't remember asking if you do remember them. really, i don't mind the new FB format, but i could've used some warning on that new IM feature.
  • remember when i used to listen to trance? i should do more of that. the theme song to "house, md" is great and all, but i could really use more massive attack in my life.
  • i hope i never need a doctor like house, partly because it means i'd be in pretty bad shape, but mostly because i'm sure i'd be emotionally traumatized. he's not a very nice guy.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

they grow up so fast

completely unrelated, did you know i live in the most stressful city in the USA? yeah, i don't buy it either.

so, you guys are going to be proud of me. on friday, i initiated a political discussion and made valid points and educated my friend rebecca on the issues at hand and convinced her to vote in november. not that it really matters, illinois is going to obama for sure.

this is a huge step for me, considering i had to read an US weekly article to find out obama lives in chicago. and while i know i will never be on the same level of political blogging that the humanator and outdoorsy-guy are known for, i started realizing that living blind to the issues was reprehensible and now i no longer skip the "boring" stuff in the paper.

for all the reasons everyone has already stated and/or posted youtube clips, i am scared for the future. terrified, really. if obama doesn't win, i may have to ditch this country, for reals. and even if he does, the poor guy would probably be assassinated so fast, it won't even matter.

i don't understand how we can live with so many ignorant people. it makes me want to cry and throw up and scream at the same time.

but, lest you think i've gone completely responsible, let me assure you that i still makeout with strangers and buy expensive things i don't really need. sure, my 'puter has been putting along and being a jerk now and then, but it still works. i opted to not let that stop me from ordering a dell inspirion 1525. i bought it for the same reason i buy most expensive things that i don't really need: i was bored and it came in green.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

oh, canadia

i spell it that way, cause if americans are from america, then canadians should be from canadia.

i'm in ottawa. in case you didn't know, that's the capital of canadia. it's not toronto. no, i'm serious, it's not.

moving on...

ottawa is beautiful. really, really, beautiful. the place i'm staying is a good example of the prettiness here. and, canadians are so nice. i forgot how nice they are. they think it's so cute that we think they're so nice. i just think they're cute with their little accents and printing everything in french and english. i'm now fluent in vending machines and warnings!

the thing i don't like about traveling alone is that it's kinda lonely. obviously, there are other people at this conference, but not all of them are canadian, so not all of them are so bubbly. i think i'm going out drinking with the staff tonight, at least the ones who don't have to present tomorrow. i was going to try to take a bus tour tonight, but i think the last one is at 4... which i'm not going to make. i'm here for an extra day, so maybe i'll do that on wednesday, after i take my "haunted ottawa" walking tour tuesday night. they do offer a pub crawl version... i'll be historical instead of going shopping! there's really no point in shopping in canadia anymore, anyway. stupid dollar being stupid.

speaking of drinking - god, i've missed canadian beer! they were serving battie's (which i never used to call it, but now i feel a strong affinity for it) at the german fest, and they called it DOMESTIC! it made me so happy.

and now i get to drink all the canadian i want. real canadian, with all of its high alcohol content. chicago is too far from the canadian border for its own good. maybe i should hang out in detroit. you know, if i ever feel thirsty and suicidal.

at any rate, i'm working on being more personable, as i found out recently that i may come across as "judgmental and standoffish." i thought i came across as "interested in others and sweetly shy." i don't really know if i should trust the opinion of someone who i recently learned does coke (much to my sincere disappointment), but it still makes me wonder - is that why guys don't call? do i just not seem interested? have my remarkable flirting skills become unremarkable?

at any rate, ottawa is lovely and if anyone feels like taking a 7-hour drive up north, you are more than welcome to stay in my princess room and experience the lovely hospitality of the citizens of canadian's capital.

Monday, September 08, 2008


i'm too tired to blog. it took all of my brain power to stay awake to read your blogs. i'm not saying yours were boring (au contraire, mon frere) i've just got nothing left. here's a few key points:
  • my boss actually gave me credit for my own work and said i did "very good!" that's like getting a silver star.
    • still working towards gold. not everyone can be michael phelps.
  • the ninja and i will not be getting married anytime soon because he likes my friend better than me.
    • too bad she has a boyfriend and lives in buffalo
  • it takes me at least two days to recover from getting home at 6:30 AM. i was all like, "i should go take pictures of the sunrise!" but then i realized that the sun was rising and i should really go to sleep.
so, what have we learned? i like stars, ninjas and hiding from the sun.

i'll try to do better next time.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

i'm engaged!

in battle. with the humanist. i was going to let him think he won and have let him have his little ego boost, until i was forced to learn through facebook that he's dating someone. how rude! apparently, when you live more than 5 miles from the humanist, he no longer feels as though you're worthy of being notified in person of his major life changes. i, on the other hand, am a considerate friend and thoroughly update him on all of my single activities.

i'm hurt.

and what do girls do when they've been wounded? do they sit in a corner and whimper? no, they fight tooth and nail to win blog war '08.

so, eric, i accept your terms. most comments on a single post by september wins. i can see you've already been trying your dangdest to get comments and have gotten up to four. poor boy, do you know what you've gotten yourself into?!

Monday, August 25, 2008

i'm miserable

i hate my job. actually, that's not true. i hate my boss. but even more than i hate her, i hate what all this hate is doing to me. i'm constantly tired. i have no desire to see friends or talk to people. it took all of my energy to be spunky for half an hour with the outdoorsman (you ain't no wannabe in my book) but in the back of my head all i could think about was how lunch would be over far too soon...

but mostly, i hate how i've lost the will to blog.

so, in an effort to not let the worksies get me down, i've decided to do something about it. that something being... look for a new job! cause, ya know, it was so much bloody fun six months ago, i can only imagine how much fun it'll be this time around.

but, have no fear gentle readers, my misery did not cloud my eyes so much that i missed the fact that blog war III has begun. i was just pushed further into my emo funk by realizing that the humanist thinks that exposition is the same as truly baring one's soul and that the number of comments your blog receives is a sure sign that you're an excellent blogger. those of us who have integrity don't blog to be discussed or commented on, we hope to leave our readers (if we have any) with a sense of introspection and enlightenment. or to just get a lot of shit off our chests.

so, yes, kind sir, if you feel the need to fight the forces of niceness and self-examination, i'll take you on. just try not to cry into your blog when i'm done with you.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


ryan gosling and rachel mcadams are back together!

this really makes me much happier than is probably normal.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

history lesson

the humanist has called my "punk ass" out. i'll accept his challenge, but methinks it would first be appropriate to take a stroll down memory lane... lest history repeat itself:

blog war the first:

my challenge: write about sports and post youtube videos.
uh, that's a check and a double check.

the humanist's challenge: write about his feelings,

i think they call that a forfeit, my friend.

blog war the second:
(get corporate sponsorship)

me: greenfern, ahem, greenfern

the humanist: ...

so, uh, yeah. feel free to tell me what the terms are. i'll gladly beat yo' ass down!

Sunday, August 17, 2008


there are important matters to discuss. the royal toybox briefly reopened 9 days ago and then disappeared again. i completely understand that he has 3 lovely ladies who deserve his attention much more than the rest of us, but i think it'd be really cool if the propreitor of said toybox returned to musing about his daily adventures on a much more regular basis. i miss the funny witticisms!

(feel free to sign below if you too need more RT in your life.)

Saturday, August 16, 2008


i went to the dentist this morning. normally going to the dentist is fun. i watch the "finding nemo"-esque aquarium, watch some tv, get told how great my teeth are and then i go on my way.

not today. today i was told i have 3 cavities (my first, second and third ever!) and that one might require a root canal. he then showed me pictures of what looked like the insides of a cartoon tooth getting sucked out through cartoon straws. i no longer like cartoons. just kidding on the last part.

also, i have TMD which i suspected due to the blinding pain i sometimes feel when i yawn or eat. also, when someone turns to you in the middle of a movie and asks if you could "keep that down" and they are referring to your jaw, you know there is a problem.

but - there's a plus side to this! i haven't been hallucinating, there really is a reason why my ears hurt all the time - it's my defective jaw! isn't that funny? want to know the best part? there's no cure! man, i'm so stoked. if i stop chewing gum and opening my mouth wide and buy a $500 mouth guard that my insurance doesn't cover and essentially never use my mouth again there's a good chance the pain won't get worse. in fact, it may even get slightly better.

i fucking hate going to the dentist.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

third times the charm

but im willing to go a fourth if you want.

...see you saturday.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

happy anniversary!

today is my 6 month anniversary in chicago! i sure hope i got myself something pretty...

this past weekend was pretty exciting. i went to bed at 8:30 PM on friday (man, that was so amazing) and on saturday i went and got the most enjoyable eyebrow wax ever. seriously, i would go there everyday if that wouldn't be super creepy and rather pointless. and then i went out clubbing. i don't often "club" and i don't often bring the girls out to play, ya know what i'm saying? i don't think i'm ever going to go clubbing again. or, if i do, i am going to insist that my friend that i thought was gay but really wanted to prove to me how gay he wasn't waits with me on the corner while i attempt to catch a cab at 3 AM and am told by a large scary man to "get the fuck in my SUV now, bitch!" luckily, my shoes hurt so i was more mad than scared. actually, i still am mad. who the heck was he to tell me what to do? pff, it's not like it was a lincoln navigator. and then there were the guys in the limo. stupid drunk is stupid annoying.

the more i think about it, the more i'm thinking that i was mistaken for a prostitute. which means prostitutes lead very busy lives full of all kinds of obnoxious people. they deserve every penny they make. and i hope those guys tip.

and my favorite part of that night - i was wearing j.crew. can't guys recognize silk chiffon when they see it?

on sunday i went to my first cubs game since high school. my coworkers are so nice to take me out and not make fun of me when i ask if the ball went out of bounds. "yes... that was a foul ball." "oh, foul, right. want a beer?"

but it was a great way to spend a sunday afternoon and it's always fun to watch little kids get super excited over stuff.

FYI, i have a crush on michael phelps.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

authority on the matter

you know you've made it when people call you at work to ask what the story is behind the assault allegations christian bale has had to deal with of late. my official opinion? his mom and sister are just trying to get some money out of him. or maybe they're mad they didn't get asked to the premiere. but there is no way a man that attractive assaulted someone. and have they seen the batman movies? he only assaults assaulters. and if that isn't enough to make you want to drop the charges, pretend patrick bateman is your sweet, baby boy.

but my camp agrees, christian deserves a hug and a pint. if i hurry, i might be able to catch the end of the premiere in barcelona.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

enough with the whining!

anyone else tired of listening to me complain about how much i hate having a job when the economy is terrible and most people would be thankful to have a job that involves poop, much less a job that involves ergonomic chairs? not that i've figured out how to make mine comfy yet, but that's hardly the point.

i think my boss and i, through a complex series of non-conversations, have finally figured out how to communicate with each other. now, when she gives me an assignment and uses strange terms (i had no idea a "schedule" was a "spreadsheet" before i started working here) i know what questions to ask and then when i give her a first draft she acts impressed instead of disappointed! it makes going to work happier. so does the lack of poop. :)

the only other thing we need to work on is getting her to approve my days off. she wanted to know what they were, i told her, and now she won't tell me if they're ok. but, to heck with it, the flights are booked and here's what's up.
  • august 8, arrive around 6 PM. i'm making my future roomie pick me and my polka-dot suitcase up and take me to boozemas (she hasn't agreed yet, but i'm sure she'll come around). it's on gabrielle st., how could i miss it?! plus, this will be a great chance for me to see a bunch of people i haven't seen since i permenantly turned my clocks back an hour.
  • august 9, i hope to hang out with the 44 crowd. either at 44, on the patio, or at harley's place is fine. heck, we could hang out in a parking lot and it'd be fun! you guys are so cool.
  • august 10, family time! i expect this to involve a lot of food.
  • august 11, ERIE COUNTY FAIR! this, too, will involve a lot of food, though of a different caliber. and there's piggy races! you can come too, it's a pretty swell time.
  • august 12, thinking i'll spend some time with the grandparents. cause, ya know, i haven't eaten enough already. and then i fly home, taking up two seats.

so, that's my plan. i like this plan. it has the makings of a good plan.

did i manage to go a whole post with no whining? i didn't, did i... oh well, on a completely non-whiny note, let me just mention again that i really do miss you guys. i know i talk about all the awesome stuff here, and it is awesome, but the chicago-awesomeness doesn't make your awesomeness any less awesome. i get really excited about coming back to buffalo and seeing you guys. i just did the thing where you smile really big and scrunch your shoulders up cause you thought about something that makes you happy. and that thought was about each and every one of you.

don't look at me like that! i made no claims about removing "cheese" or "mush" or "mushy cheese" from my blog. besides, you know you like it.

Monday, July 21, 2008

allow me to elaborate

but first - happy birthday, bridget!

typing apostrophes makes my computer try to find things. it sucks.

i find it really hard to believe that "the dark knight" was only rated pg-13. if i had watched that as a 13 year old, i"d be sucking my thumb like nobody"s business. dont get me wrong, i loved it. but not in the "i cant wait to buy it and watch it a bazilliony bajillon times!" way, because i dont want to suck my thumb. that was some disturbing and sad and dark shit, yo. but it was incredibly well done and pretty gosh darn true to the comics, both in style and actual happenings. and the music was perfect. i only have one issue, and it is a minor one, having to do with a minor character, when instead they could have set her up to be a bigger player. but it worked, and i have to say, i am happy. i also love things that show off my beautiful city and my office building too. :)

i like where chris nolan's going with this and i can't wait to see more. my only question is...

when's my girl harley gonna get some screen time?

it"s time i just admit it

you know how i was unemployed for 2.5 months? it has ruined me. cause now, i never want to work again. NEVER. stupid lack of rich husband.

also, my date with colin was "eh." it"s quite possible he was as nervous as i was until i suddenly remembered that i"m AWESOME, so if he calls i"ll give him a second chance, but if he doesnt call, i certainly wont be heartbroken.

also, my camera broke again, and even though, starting in august when my student loans kick back in, i will be poorer than poor, i think now is the perfect time to upgrade. so, gentle readers, what do you snap shots with? what do you like about your gadgetry and what do you wish was different?

Thursday, July 17, 2008

poor little dork girl

no, i am not going to a midnight showing. why? cause none of my friends in chicago are "cool" enough to go with me, and 3 am is a bit late for a cutie such as myself to wander the streets alone. as is, i may have to go alone tomorrow night. oh, i've reserved two tickets, i figure i can make friends by scalping one. maybe i'll right my phone number on it.

speaking of that, i called. left a cute message ("hey, glad to hear you like shots. i also like shots, and full-sized drinks and things that don't involve alcohol!) on tuesday. he called wednesday morning. didn't leave a message. confusing. so i just called back ("tag - you're it!" cause i'm in sixth grade) and said i didn't know if he was being sneaky or my phone was being jerky.

with any luck, i'll actually talk to him, and he'll take my second ticket (if we ever do go on a date, do i have to pay since i started this? if so, i hate equal rights for both sexes) and then we'll have the best first date ever in the history of firsts.

OMG! THIS JUST IN! my phone rang! caller ID said "Colin"! i answered! we spoke! it was like we were actually using the phone for what it was intended for! and we chatted like we've had conversations before (we hadn't) and it was fun! and if his friend didn't get him a ticket to pitchfork music fest (chicago has more fests than i know what to do with, so i don't go to any of them) to see public enemy (badass) he is totally going to see "the dark knight" with me tomorrow! hurray!

now, should i warn him ahead of time about what a bat-freak i am, or just let him figure it out?


Tuesday, July 15, 2008


a call was made. a message was left. i figured it was important to mention that i like shots and drinks that come in full-sizes and even things that don't involve alcohol at all! i'll be sure to keep you posted, as i know your breath is bated. :) and once the hypothetical hanging out occurs, i'll be sure to inquire as to any females suitable for the humanist.

here's something you're sure to find chuckle-worthy: i have a 90's themed party to go to this weekend, and i have no idea what to wear. i could create a soundtrack like nobody else (or at least like everybody else who thinks the 90s were when all the best music was made), but all i remember wearing in the 90s was a lot of flannel (i did still bathe) and then my jammies when i was in college. i refuse to go as daria or lisa loeb. yeah, i know, i share red hair, glasses and two arms with them, so clearly we look alike.

i am developing a bitchin' scar on my left shin from when i went (man-made) white water rafting and fell out of the two-person kayak and hit a (man-made) rock. part of me wants to just proudly display it, but too many people were cringing and getting grossed out instead of giving me the props i deserve (i bled and got back on that river and showed it who's boss) , so i got some of that "scar-be-gone" stuff. i'll let you know how it works, in case you have any battle wounds you want to lose.

Monday, July 14, 2008


i stayed in saturday night - seeing as how i felt no desire to go clubbing (and when i asked what i should wear and was told "club wear" i was then too embarassed to ask what that meant) and everyone else i know was either at a wedding or passed out from an afternoon cubs game, this seemed like a wise choice. this wise choice led to me going to brunch sunday morning. i like brunch. i also like sharing 32 oz. bloody marys. our waiter was pretty cute, in that teddy bear kinda way, and he was funny and nice and quite attentive. he gave us free shots that were delicious. lemon drops are the bestest-est.

cut to "time to go" time. betsy has been telling me for the last two hours that i need to give this waiter, (psst, his name is colin) my number. the check has come, i've teased him for ringing us up wrong and betsy is now lamenting that this chap is "gabby-number-less." she decides that i should take the napkin that our sugary lemons came on and write, "hey baby, i shook the sugar off this napkin, but if you want some more sugar, give me a call." i told her that was horrible, and very misleading, but in all reality, that's something i would tell someone to write.

i went with a tame "if you ever want to do more shots, give me a call." and then i left my name and number, as i thought he might need those. as if. and then i proceeded to go about my day, never expecting to hear from him. (side note, in going about my day, i got hit on by a homeless man. he asked for my number and then said, "yeah right, like i have a phone! hey, how i take you to dinner, but you pay? hehehehe!" he was pretty cool.)

but then he (not the homeless dude) called. an hour later. left a message about how he got my "offer", spends a lot of time being a waiter, but only until he gets out of school and gets a real job, and that i should swing by stanley's (the scene of the crime) or give him a call when i want to hang out. only he sounded more enthused about it than that bland translation let on.

sounds good, right? WRONG! i don't know what the eff i'm doing! i have no idea how to date! all i've ever done is make my friends more than friends, or cut to the chase and then never speak to them again. i have no idea how this courting thing works. i had to get advice on when to call him back (tomorrow is the consensus) which is good cause i still have no idea what to say. "so, yeah, i left you my number cause i was 'triple-dog-dared' to, and now i have no idea what to do next. you have any ideas?"

i can only come across as psycho. help.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

when the cat's away...

and the IT filters are down, the mice do blog.

have i mentioned in the last five minutes how happy i am to be in chicago? i made more friends! apparently, i am an incredibly awesome person to hang out with. or, as the work hottie put it, "damn, you're cool. how are you single?" umm, cause you're already dating someone else. even when i'm telling some guy i just met to stop being a lil' bitch cause my friend/coworker/recent birthday girl didn't listen to his mixed tape yet, i'm adored. no, really. allow me to play stenographer:
LB: "i can't believe you didn't listen to it yet."
BD Girl: "get over it."
me: "what's the big deal? did you write the songs?"
LB: "no..."
me: "do the songs express your truest undying emotions?"
LB: "not really..."
me: "then what are you whining about? cause she doesn't want to subject herself to what's sure to be your crappy taste in music? now shut up and carry the cake downstairs, i'm hungry."
LB: "she's really cool, i think i love her."
BD Girl: "i loved her first."

so, yes, chicago is fun. but i'm glad i'm here for a sorta less fun reason. my aunt in mill-wah-kay may have lupus. she's single, no kids, and while she has a ton of friends who love her dearly, if she ends up needing some round the clock care, i'm so happy i'm only a train-ride away. i really hope it doesn't come to that because it would crush her to no longer be independent, but i know it makes it easier on the whole family, and aunt patti, to know that someone is near by. especially when that person has experience cleaning cat boxes. (hey, not everyone can hack it.) hopefully, her symptoms will turn out to be caused by something else entirely, but until we know i won't be planning any trips back to the b-lo, which kinda stinks cause i miss all of you (especially after i took my first sailing lesson last night and was like, "you know who would love this?! everyone i know!") but i'm happy to be where i hopefully won't be needed.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

just like i said i would

i'm not usually one for bragging, but i'm willing to make an exception. it just so happens that my life is so totally better than yours. oh sure, i'm exhausted from being fabulous all the time and i don't have a significant other, but seeing as how the thought of dating someone makes me all queasy and ickly feeling i'm actually going to count that as a check on the plus side. no, really, it's so bad that the second a a cutie starts to flirt with me i freak out and start looking for the quickest exit. unless they're adorable 22-year-old hang-gliding instructors in training. and hang-gliding, btw, is amazing. it's like being a bird. really, you should try it. especially if you play rock-paper-scissors first with your new friend to see who gets to ride tandem with the very attractive instructor and win. and then go out drinking with everyone that night, except that you and your new friend started drinking like, 7 hours ago because it was too windy to fly and there's nothing else to do in central illinois. so yeah, when we got to the bar, i have to admit that i was a little disappointed that it didn't have more local flavor. you know, people missing teeth. this place was really nice, but once they started playing kid rock, i knew i was in the right place. oh, one other way to know you're in the right place. when you order 7 top shelf drinks and the total is $21.50. $21.50. freaking amazing. so, really, what i'm saying, is that you should go hang-gliding with someone attractive while you're buzzed. yeah, you definitely should try that.

ok, so maybe my life isn't totally better than yours, but it sure is totally better than when i first moved here and had to gimp around and spend all my time staring at my cat. man, what a hoot. if i haven't mentioned it lately, i am super glad i moved here. but as much as i make new friends here, i still miss all of you. i have no doubt that i'll be back soon so we can all be fabulous together. doesn't that just sound smashing?

and why am i using only the corniest of adjectives?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

my adventures, let me share them with you

i left work today at 5:17 PM today. i figured that since i show up late, i should probably leave late. that's an HR trick for all of you. i got to the corner of state and madison around 5:25 and proceeded to wait for the 147 bus. i like taking the bus home cause then you get to look at the lake and get all relaxed and happy before you open the door to a whiny cat. but the bus didn't show up! lots of other buses did, but they were all inferior in both route number and destination. after 20 minutes of waiting (instead of the usual 20 nanosecnds) i figured i had better take the unscenic train. but the train was closed! no one could take it! and then i saw a 147 go by but it was so packed with people they wouldn't let anyone on.

so i took a 151. superior in route number but so much slower. no biggie, it was a nice day, and it'll take me to my doorstep like the 147. or will it? this one decided to stop at belmont with no warning. i know there was no warning and not a warning that i missed cause i was rocking out cause everyone else looked confused. so i figured i'd walk up to broadway and catch the 36. but first i had some chipolte. yummy.

i went outside to catch the 36 and ran into my college roommate's sister's roommate! how random! so we both get on the 36 and make small and medium sized talk and then she gets off cause she lives more south than me and i'm chillng and not rocking out when the driver says that this bus will stop at foster. what? it's suppossed to go to my doorstep, like it always does!

so i got off at wilson and took the red line the rest of the way home.

and at what time did i finally see my extra whiny kitty? 8:14. yep, it took me almost 3 hours to get home today. luckily, it was filled with entertaining folk that were only scary 60% of the time.

Monday, June 09, 2008

constructive criticism

i joined weight watchers. i've been feeling pretty dumpy about the fact that i look dumpy for quite some time so i decided to do something about it. especially when the fatty-fatmore (it's still ok to make fun of mountains of smelly flesh, right?) was pissed when i sat next to her on the bus. seriously, this snorting-evil-eye-giving beeotch was so huge she hasn't been able to close her legs since before monica lewinsky opened hers. and she's giving me grief?! that definitely means it's time for me to change something. so, next time you see me, be sure to comment on how awesome i look. and then give me back all the clothes i gave you.

in other news, i really like my job. it's very different from that other job i had in that this job requires me to go to parties i didn't plan at the four seasons (yummilicious! - so good it deserved a new word) and work on spreadsheets all day and not talk to anyone i don't want to. plus, it's in chicago, which is nice, because chicago is swell. things with danielle are going really well (watch me as i talk about my platonic friend like she's a boy+friend). although i was really bummed when she convinced me that jin is in fact dead and did not make it off the boat and is now hiding in korea for some indeterminate reason. we're going to have to work on her supporting my alternate realities. i think i finally broke her of her christian bale crush. i do not share my hopeless crushes.

speaking of crushes, james marsden is really cute! i couldn't respect him as a hottie before because he always played those lame "sure, you can flirt with my wife" guys, but in 27 dresses he was a little prick and i loved him for it! i hope i can find a sarcastic jerk someday who gives props to elton john and cries at weddings. also, the untucked button-down with jacket and jeans/baggy khakis is the hottest look for any guy, ever. before a guy leaves the house, in my opinion, he should stand in front of a mirror holding a puppy. if he looks like he belongs on the cover of j.crew, he's good to go. if not, call me. we can work it out.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

super freak

spotted on the L:

girl wearing a green hoodie, clutching a coach tote trimmed in green, propping her legs up on a polka-dot green suitcase while listening to a green iPod.

...at least my shoes were orange.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


say you're home sick. your fever finally broke but you're still slightly delirious and have a credit card with a high enough limit to buy a car and you don't have to pay interest for 6 months, and by making these purchases you earn free flights on southwest, which you love, cause it doesn't matter where you sit - the germs will always find you. what would you buy? me? oh, it's a fairly boring list. but since you asked...
  • a 60" LCD HD TV. i got to watch TV on a TV this weekend, and i gots to say, it was mighty nice.
  • a DVD player. so i can watch buffy kick some majorly large ass.
  • wireless surround sound. wires are a pain to deal with.
  • a wii. and the fit part too. apparently all of the available ones are in canada, and they're $100 cheaper there too.
  • more shoes.
i don't really know why i'd buy more shoes. after i buy all that other stuff it's not like i'll ever leave my apartment. i guess people could see my shoes when they come over, but i'm all about being barefoot in my diggs.

if you're wondering why i didn't add "laptop" to my list of techno-fun, it's cause i just scored one from work. it's not the best lappy ever, but it'll get the job done. yippee!

and now, if you'll excuse me, i need to go peruse consumer reports and see who will give me the most HD-WOW! for my numerous bucks.

Sunday, May 25, 2008


lots of people recently graduated. i don't know most of them, but congrats anyway! and for those of you who graduated and invited me to your party, double congrats!! sorry i moved away and can't attend most of them. i have no doubt they'll still be a blast.

which reminds me, i went to one yesterday. someone's now a law grad! and i mentioned to someone who was a law grad a few years back that i thought about going to law school but then realized it meant that i would have to go to law school. and while i was shuddering from the idea of having to spend more time skipping clases, i also realized that while imitation is the highest form of flattery, too much is just creepy.

and so, i present to you, all the ways in which i am apparently trying to become a garvey when i grow up (in no particular order).

- hurray for saturday morning cartoons!
- comics are awesome too!
- play volleyball in iroquois high school's gym
- misspell iraquois (i'm assuming)
- join LT
- hang out in B1
- ohmygod, i'm so drunk
- repeat
- art with fr. tunney
- briefly visit albany
- live with johnny
- graduate from canisius
- go to bidness school
- oh 44, you're awesome
- woo hoo, i have an MBA!
- move to chicago
- eat so much pizza
- take the L in the wrong direction (that's just me? damn)
- blog for the masses

all that's left is to marry a battaglia and have cute babies. best to stop before this just gets crazy.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

i know you don't live here...

but click the button and vote for me anyway!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

fo' shizzle!

i love tiffany's. always have. it's so sleek and classy and pretty. but i can't afford it. sure, i could buy one or two things, but that's what i said about the graphic novels. you understand my fear. so, a good friend and i decided we would open Tiphz. All the designs you love - at affordable prices! heavy duty tin foil will cover only the sturdiest plastic. and for that extra glimmer, bits of broken bottles. i think we'll make it big.

i am so excited to be coming home in one week, one day and 2 hours! we can talk about how awesome buffy is, and our new jobs and make fun of each other. it'll be so great. :)

i went to a new doc last week, just to get set up in my non-HMO world (i know, i'm living the sweet life now) and she asked if i was planning on having any babies anytime soon. i said, no, not likely, at which point she said, "you're 28! you better get started if you want them!" then she left the room. i stole the magazine i was reading. and yes, it did make me feel better.

i'm sorry for the lameness of this post. i am so sleepy. but soon you'll have all my lameness in person, so, don't be sad.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


buffy has a sister?! a sister who grows up to star in "eurotrip"?

i can dig it.

Monday, May 05, 2008

happy anniversary!

just in case there was any confusion, i am actually quite happy. oh sure, i get a little frowny cause i miss all you fantastic people, but i still love chicago and am so glad i moved here! moved here 3 months ago today, in fact! i am celebrating by not doing a dang thing. :) well, that's not entirely true. i'm going to plan on putting my laundry away but probably not. even though i should since tomorrow i'm going to some special showing of this famous underwater photographers' famous photos/films. i hope yo la tengo shows up.

so, who lost bets now that i hit 3 months? :)

on a completely unrelated note that will only be of interest to a few of you - all natural pine litter is really the way to go. it doesn't get tracked all over the place, and if you leave it near a nightlight it'll get hot and smell like campfire. oh, and it's cheap. seriously, it's good stuff.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

still can't remember what i was going to write about the other day

i always get a little melancholy after my guests leave; and by always i mean both times. i enjoy my solitary time, but i don't like it. it's not normal for humans to be alone, we're meant to be surrounded by others, so while i enjoy quiet nights with harlee and the fishies, i don't like them cause i know too much of it will end poorly.

i'm reading this book* that after 20 pages makes me want to amazon (i just made it a verb) everything the author has ever written and then, on page 29, my heart leaped into my throat and stayed there for a good long time. i suddenly realized that i don't want to be "one of those people who [are] never fully present in their own lives." and that's exactly what i was afraid of becoming without knowing it. granted, i was there, but not entirely. i sorta just let things happen to me and never really put much effort into change. always reactionary, never actionary (i'm making up all kinds of new words today!) and i knew if i kept on that path, it would lead to a very unenjoyable realization one day, perhaps when it was too late to do anything about it. back in the day, as i sleepwalked my way to old main, this kid used to shout "wake up!" to me at least once a week. i think i'm finally picking up what he was laying down.

but taking life by the reins hasn't been all fun and games either. i used to have dreams where i failed business school maybe once every two weeks. then i had dreams i didn't move twice a week. now i'm having dreams that i'll never find a job five nights a week. the strange thing is, i have these dreams after i've already graduated, moved and started to like my job. i wake up shaking, only to realize i did succeed, so why do my dreams keep telling me i've failed? i know i tend to beat myself up; i search for approval and acceptance in others cause i rarely find it in myself, and there's no reason. i don't really know what this means other than to say, i gots mad issues. when i'm not blogging or watching network prime time a day after everyone else, i generally tend to analyze the past and try to determine the future. i don't really live in the present. which is pretty lame on my part, but not so lame that i'm going to use that lame, "now is a gift, that's why they call it a present" quote. even though i just did. dang it.

so, yeah, that's where my head's out, for now, i guess. but i'm working on that. right after i do some cleaning. because my living quarters need to be clean now, as opposed to in the far, distant and uncertain but that's totally fine, future.

* i tend to read a lot know that i have a library across the street from me and i don't have a TV and there's only so much network stuff i can watch. and this book reminds me of the movie "closer" which i really would have like to see as a play since that's what it originally was. but, anyway, siri hustvedt wrote "what i loved" and i'm really strongly in like with it.

Thursday, May 01, 2008


i just completely lost my train of thought. we'll try this again tomorrow.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


people have been asking how i like my job. i have edited this post to make it safe for the family to read, but if the situation doesn't improve soon, blogger is going to have to place a parental warning on here. and i'll have to remove walmart from my list of potential sponsors. because they don't like the words that mean mean things. not because i would ask them to support me. although i do like the bouncy smiley face that saves you money.
  1. i am so bored i pray that we have an earthquake so i can go home. apparently, this is a viable option.
  2. i was hired to convert their data into a useful format, but i'm begining to think this data doesn't exist...
  3. they have the computers locked down so tight that i can't check my email or blog or even pretend i care and update my facebook profile!
  4. the office hottie is, well, a hottie, but he's also a shyie. stop laughing at my jokes and make out with me in my office. it's not like i'm doing anything else in there.
so, while i am really glad to be gainfully employed and to again have health insurance in 6 days, 1 hour and 25 minutes, i'm really regretting turning down that interview for the assistant commissioner for employment in the department of human resources for the city of chicago (how would that ever fit on a business card?) because i "just got hired" and "didn't know how i would take time off for an interview." so i reapplied. i'm pretty sure i take time off by saying, "can i leave at 3 PM next tuesday?" and then i go tell the acting and deputy commissioners how awesome i am and then they pay me $20k more. seriously. i turned down the chance to make $20k more because of some misguided loyalty to a place that's not even smart enough to give me work! they asked me to make practice spreadsheets to make sure i really knew how to use excel! aaaah!

otherwise, chicago is awesome! i'm going canoing on sunday and "forgetting sarah marshall" is hysterical and chipotle is really yummy (not mighty taco yummy - it's a different kind of thing) and akira had a shoe sale and ann taylor loft is having a sale and i've already spent my first paycheck, which is fine, except that i haven't gotten it yet.

i like it here. but i miss buffalo and the peoples in it that i used to hang out with, so i'll come visit next month. this is a good plan. it's good to have a plan.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


i disagree. which is strange, cause we're not even discussing the environment or whether or not guiness tastes like crap this time.

i definitely do not think that we should go around using racial slurs, but i don't think silence is the answer either. in fact, i think it's part of the problem. i think we should all be free to talk about our differences, and why they're good AND what's good in other cultures/races/neighborhoods too. and free to ask others what they're all about! one of my former coworkers was a jehovah's witness, and i had no idea what that meant other than they were the people my mom loved to screw with when they came to the house, but this coworker was willing to tell me about it. do i want to incorpoate those beliefs into my life? hells no - i love my birthday. but now i know and it's no longer this strange thing i know nothing about. now i know the facts instead of the stereotypes and what other people think about them. see the difference? when a kid asks an adult what's different about the person who's black, white, purple or polka-dot walking down the street the adult should not be afraid to tell them. if they don't give them a truthful, factful answer, then the kid is going to get their "facts" from somewhere else. and they're going to keep looking for answers until they find them. telling someone that something is forbidden (whether it's a topic of conversation, way of thinking, dressing, acting, etc.) is only going to make them want to do it more. abolish the drinking age and after the novelty wears off, i'm sure even some of the newer new englanders will go dry.

stereotypes will never be completely eliminated. they're needed to help organize the bombardment of information our brains are constantly receiving - you use them when you see a mangy dog and a purring cat - and sometimes you're wrong. but if we didn't have an initial slot to put info we'd never be able to react to anything - not to the cutie winking at us or the crazy waving a knife. i think a good place for the human race to start would be to remember that stereotypes are guideline, not hard and fast rules. not every latino is gonna try to cop a feel, but it doesn't hurt to keep an eye out at first. not to mention the fact that sometimes stereotypes funny. and watch this one too. i can't wait to see it live next month!

any who...

so, how do we change the way americans react to the info they just processes? fuck if i know. i guess i could have some kids and teach them that while us froggies make the best food, the irish have the best holiday and the canadians are the nicest, and so on and so on. but first i'd have to find a baby daddy and we all know that all guys suck.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

better than an easter seal

i am very sleepy. i've nailed the getting up at 5:30 am part, now i just need to figure out how to stay up past 10:00 pm.

my bff sent me this very funny pic today. i had to share. i hope to share my pics soon. i like sharing.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


i don't even know what "boombastic" means, it just happened to be a song that popped up on my iPod. now its in my head for forever.

the paralyzed veterans of america finally found me! hurray for patriotic return address labels! double hurray for not having to hand write the return address anymore!!

my first day of work was today. it went pretty darn well. everyone was really nice and i don't remember any of their names. i learned stuff and it would seem that i'm still qualified for the job. they have an awesome cafeteria too! plus, i get to work with an alex again, only this time, it's a girl. craziness. and i work with a recruiter who gave her little girl a boys name. some things never change. hopefully, this recruiter won't turn out to be an evil skank jerk-face like the last one. i have to say, it was incredibly weird to go to work today. after being on unpaid-vacation-leave in chicago for 2 months and 11 days, it sorta just now hit me that i live here. and it's pretty cool.

it's 72 outside right now. it's totally fantastic. especially since it was in the 40s for all but one of the days my sister was in town. she was a trooper though - us buffalo gals don't let a little snow keep us from having a good time. madison had sushi for the first, second and third time of her life (she may love it more than me). we also had ethiopian, which led to the following inappropriate conversations, "you should have brought me here when i was little - you're supposed to eat with your hands!" and "do ethiopians eat this stuff every day?" "not likely from the pictures i've seen." this is why you shouldn't take us anywhere nice.

in addition to the food firsts, we both decided it was time we stopped being all talk and no action. and nothing commemorates a fantastic week together like some ink.

aren't those the cutest lil' bugs you ever did see? i'm the foot on the left connected to the deformed ankle. my sister's the bleeder on the right. it was a lot of fun, especially since everyone in the tattoo parlor thought we were the cutest things ever ("you're sisters and you're getting your first tatts together?! and they're bugs! how cute are you?!") extremely, apparently. i just wonder what we'll do the next time she visits...

i will post pictures this weekend, or i'll do my very bestest too. we really did have so much fun and it was nice to just hang out with her. talk girl stuff and watch movies and tease each other and stuff like that. the train and bus are a lot lonelier now that she's headed home.

so i don't end this on a mushy down note, let me tell you about how i made danielle a real friend! i texted her to see if she went to the party on saturday that i was supposed to go to but i couldn't cause maddie was in town and we went to milwaukee, and instead of texting me back, she called me. that's a big step, people. and then we were talking about what events we'll see each other at next and i said, "why don't we hang out saturday night?" and she said yes! we're hanging out and there's no pretense of it being a club-event involved. so, let me take a moment to thank a friend who gave me some great advice a couple months ago ("just get out there"). took me a while to follow through, but i'm glad i did. now if only he would blog...

Monday, April 07, 2008

this just in!

my cool aunt patti (i refuse to have uncool aunts) now reads my blog. so keep it clean when you comment on my blog - but not too clean, she is the chick who took me to see lewis black, after all.

i got a strange email today - assumed it was spam and almost never opened it. but i'm glad i did! one of my photos was short-listed for the second edition of schmap's east coast guide. not the pic i would have picked (sorry, it was too easy) but then again, i'm not an editor. hope this schmap thing is cool. otherwise i'll feel really lame for being "published" on the web. it's such a fad.

i noticed a few weeks ago that there's something different about me. it wasn't the permanent (albeit slight) limp i now walk with (i'll get that looked at soon). it was more the way i interacted with people. i used to get scared of big crowds of strangers. yes, i know you don't really believe me, but it's the truth and nothing but. now, i love the idea of big crowds of strangers! all those new people to meet and weed through to find the coolest ones. it's fun! i should've tried this not being shy thing years ago. damn. i could've been haning out wtih really cool people all this time.

so, i'm not going to NYC for NY wizard world. you're left to your own devices to figure out why. you may also hypothesize, if you so choose, as to why this is probably a good thing. the real answers are nowhere nearly as exciting as anything you're bound to come up with. in fact, let me know if you come up with anything really juicy. maybe i'll make it my real cover story!

Sunday, April 06, 2008


i went to first friday at the museum of contemporary art this past friday. i hated it. maybe if i was 19 and/or looking to get laid i would have liked it, but i'm really not a fan of being surrounded by a bunch of poseurs, long lines for bad drinks, DJs whose biggest fan is herself and modern crap art. their slogan is "fear no art." i don't fear it, i'm just afraid i'm gonna wretch all over it. regardless, this event is incredibly popular all twelve times a year and does a lot to raise awareness for the arts community, blah blah blah, so if you want to go when you come visit that's cool, i'll put you on the bus and take the ride to the loop, but i'll be around the corner drooling over the michael kors, chanel and ann taylor. when you're done wretching come find me.

the day started pretty great though. i gots my mane colored auburn. it's like i finally recognize myself in the mirror again! ... although, i'm not normally sideways.

the night ended really great too! after i ditched the most crappiest artsy party i've ever been to, i went and met up with this girl i knew from my club at innjoy, which i did innjoy! and i kissed a mightily cute asian. and then i told him to go away cause he was interfering with me getting my drink on. for some reason, he thought i was playing hard to get, but really, my drink was empty.

saturday i went out with some other people. did i mention i also went out on thursday? yeah, i could barely walk today. 3 days in a row of dancing, drinking too much, staying up late, being hungover, sleeping all day and repeat have done me in. i managed to do laundry and mop the floor today and i don't know how. i have most certainly aged. vacuuming will have to wait for maddie's convenient arrival.

totally unrelated - my cool aunt jeanie just landed an awesome job! i love when things work out - her layoff made her go look for jobs and now she has a better one than she's ever had before. couldn't have happened to a more deserving person. :)

also, here's a pic of my super fat cat trying to fit into a super small box. you can also see all of the boxes filled with books (most with pictures) that desperately need to be put on bookshelves that i should buy at some point.

now she's trying to fit into my purse. yeah, maybe if it was alanna's purse, but you're gonna need quite the kibble cut back before you see the inside of one of mine.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

you spin me round

i knew tonight was going to be a good night because the train showed up just as i reached the platform, always a good sign. and then on the bus the lady next to me smelled like play-doh, a little odd, to be sure, but i love play-doh. and then, when i got to the party, there were chicken wings and they were really, really good. so damn good.

and there was a stripper pole. i have always been intrigued by the stripper pole. how does one spin around without getting dizzy? how do you stop your hands from slipping? i gathered around to watch as some guys were dancing (which was hi-lar-ee-us) and then some chick started shouting get up there red shirt. uh-oh, i was the only one wearing a red shirt. and she sounded ser-ee-us. did you know the actual pole spins? like a lot? news to me. other news to me - apparently i have some moves. and i have to tell you, it was damn fun. i like spinning in circles. and i am positive that while this is not news to you, i still feel it is important to mention that i like being the center of attention.

next time, i need to wear stilettos (the shoes, not the knives) and a fedora. ya know, in addition to, not instead of, the rest of my clothes. i already have a job, thank you.

and that's no joke

guess what?! i have a job! isn't that the best news you've heard all day that has absolutely no impact on your own life? and it couldn't have happened at a better time. my sister is coming to visit me soon and as much as i say "the plane tickets are your birthday present and i'm not buying you anything else" we all know i'll buy her any and everything she glances at. and somehow she still understands the importance of working to purchase her own stuff. maybe it's cause i make her sing the "you're the best sister ev-UHR" song when i buy her stuff.

also, this job will provide me with health insurance on 5/1, which is important as i plan on jumping out of a plane (with a parachute, natch) on 5/4. just don't tell my mom- i promised her i wouldn't.

i also just became a member of the shedd aquarium and field museum. now i can go as much as i want all year long and take a guest for free each time. expect to be taken here when you come visit. and if you visit in pairs you can shadow box to determine who gets the free ticket. or, if you're boring, you can just split the price.

all in all, things are going pretty well over here. i still miss all of you, but it's no longer that "soul-crushing" kind of missing. it's more of a "i better go do fun stuff so i have fun stuff to show my friends when they come visit" kind of missing. although, i do occassionally find myself a victim of the "le sigh" on thursdays if there's nothing going on here.

i guess that's it. there's a party tonight i think i'll go to and until then i'm going to spend the rest of the day trying to convince myself that i really should put my laundry away and mop the floors. not stuff i like doing, but now as i don't have the "but i should be looking for a job" excuse, i really should do it. no one likes visiting a chick with messy floors.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

this shit is dope

is it just me, or is "weeds" the best show ever? i get home at 6 PM and decide to check out the pilot while i eat some sushi and the next thing i know, it's damn near tomorrow. wacky.

and on to season two...

Friday, March 14, 2008

blast from the past

here's my closest post to one year ago. looks like i had a really great time on st. patty's eve. apparently, i also decided to wear green for a week straight and planned on doing it for 17 days this year. whoops.

BufBloPoFo has been a ton of fun. i love bloggng. blog, blog, bloggity, bloggy blog. i think i'm going to try and see how long i can keep daily posts up for. considering my abyssmal failure over here, i strongly urge you to not keep your hopes up.

file this under "why dolphins are super."

and file this under "bad idea": i saw a woman wearing really tight white pants. then i noticed they were, tight, white and not entirely opaque. i thought they were stained. instead, i was looking at her ass-tat. ass-tat is now my new favorite swear word.

lastly, please file this under "great news": my interview went so well they're bringing me back for seconds. :)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

ode to my abode

i am in love with my apartment. i just rearranged some stuff and i don't know if i tapped some previously unused feng shui, but i just feel happier and can't stop looking at my handiwork. speaking of handiwork, i haven't yet tried the drapery rod suggestion that was kindly left for me. but the fact that a stranger was willing to help another stranger, namely me, is a pretty cool and very nice thing that deserves mentioning.

ya know, maybe the reason i'm so darn happy today is because it was 60 degrees out and i didn't wear a jacket outside. what up now, b-lo?

congrats to bob for guess/deducing correctly - the iPod's true owner is indeed johnny. although, with all of the reel big fish on there, it could just as easily have been bob's. and the pokemon songs might have made you think it was my sister's. when she was 8.

the shows i'm missing most are "life" and "pushing daisies." they're really good, in ways i can't describe. and i'm afraid to find out if "scrubs" is really done or not. cause then i would miss it too. oh, and i need to see more of pam and jim being cute together.

so, i have this interview tomorrow (everyone, please cross your fingers and think nice thoughts at 11:30 AM CST) for a job i really want, but i'm too excited about seeing a river get dyed green on saturday to properly prepare for my interview. this should've gone on the list yesterday, but i love st. patty's day a whole lot. it's my favorite holiday. there's no stress of buying presents, all i have to do is wear my favorite color and drink beer. a lot of beer. a lot of green beer. and shots. i like shots. so yeah, i can't begin to tell you how excited i am to celebrate my favorite holiday in my new city, and then celebrate the completion of BufBloPoFo, which is sure to become my second favorite holiday. as long as i can still wear green. and drink beer.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

top 10

wowzers, something about me that's unique to me and only me that no one else knows about me? that's a tough one. i'm pretty much an open book and even my existential crises are pretty run of the mill. i guess we'll have to settle for stuff that most people don't know.

  1. i learned how to read when i was 2. i wasn't as gifted as this kid, but i guess it was still pretty shocking for my mom to see her adorable little toddler toddle up to her pointing at a "bad" word in a book and asking her what it meant. suddenly, no more bad books in the house.
  2. if you get me really, really "i should be dead" drunk, i'll spontaneously remember all the french that i learned before english and start speaking it without realizing it.
  3. when i was 9 i was in a mock commercial audition for my mom's friends who wanted to work on HBO. when i was 19, i was the PA for a mock commercial audition for for my boss' friends who wanted to work on HBO.
  4. my favorite swear word is fuck cause it can be used as an adjective, adverb, verb and if you're really creative, noun! i love versatile things.
  5. i think crab is way better than lobster. in fact, lobster is a waste of perfectly good butter.
  6. i don't like butter.
  7. i named my cat after my favorite supervillain.
  8. i have a favorite supervillain.
  9. i haven't bought a new pair of shoes since december and it's goddamn near killing me.
  10. i don't own a TV and watch everything on my computer. works out much better than i expected it to.
  11. i'm really glad i moved to chicago. :)
hey - you even got a bonus one!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

cause for celebration!

  1. i made a friend!
  2. i found a place that makes pretty darn good buffalo wings.
  3. my tank is all set up, the water cleared up and the weather warmed up so i can bring home some fishies!
  4. netflix has all of "buffy" for my viewing pleasure.
  5. i have real job interviews this week and next. one with a CEO. kick ass.
  6. i'm eating a sammich made out of bologna with a first name.

Monday, March 10, 2008

close enough for government work

i've decided to take a different approach to my job hunting - get in on the government work. now that i can provide proof of residence in the city of chicago (as oppossed to the village?) i applied to a slew of city jobs. including, assistant commissioner of communiations to the department of the environment. hey, technically, i am qualified. and i would love nothing more than to plan parties to bring about the awareness of the environment to my new neighbors.

you see, i'm a bit of a hippee. i bathe everyday and like my clothes hemp free, but i really want to clean the oceans and save the rainforests and do some other stuff too, but i'm lazy. and that's why i throw out my pop bottles and have given up on tryng to find someone to take my moving boxes away and reuse them - they're all going to landfills. i guess if i had a desk job saving the environment, it would help now me come to terms with high school me, the me that spearheaded the recycling at hamburg high and was going to live on a greenpeace boat. i looked into the boat thing, they don't really like my kind. apparently, you have to be strong and healthy and a really good swimmer and not be uni-lingual.


Sunday, March 09, 2008

hometown pride

i love buffalo. sure, it's got its faults, but it's pretty awesome too. i wish i would have spent more time doing the awesome stuff instead of complaining about the stuff that doesn't matter. and i can't believe i never made it to the carousel museum. wtf x a bajilliony on that one. i was craving mighty taco something fierce today, cause it's the bestest thing to eat after drinking til 5 AM (oh hells yeah, we found a bar that knows how to rock it. not that i remember where it was or it's name). but i do have to say, there is a ton of awesome mexican food all over the dang place. but sometimes you just really want the fake stuff.

i have a ton of favorite buffalo memories, things that i think could only happen in a mid-size city in the snowbelt. i think they need to be told in person as i kinda stink at story recounting in the written form, but one of my favorites was after a very large snowstorm while i still lived on franklin, with johnny and greg upstairs and desi's next door (how did we ever manage to make it to work?). RIP desi's. moving on, we were all drinking at desi's, most likely playing darts and in general, loving life. i decided to call it an early night (by leaving at 3:30 am) and while walking across the parking lot there was a beautiful, thick, pristine layer of snow. so i did what any normal person would do when the snow is thick enough to cover the hyperdermic needles and rubber gloves. i laid down and made a snow angel. and went to bed giggling like a little kid.

i just finished watching "beowulf." they really made kids read that in high school? really? maybe it's better in print. i feel bad for the queen, she just keeps getting passed around to men who sleep with demons. why couldn't they just find a gay king? he could be all like, "look, you're just not my type. maybe if you looked like brad pitt we could strike a deal, but i'm just gonna head home and find a cute slave instead. bye!"

funny that this ties in with the official topic for tomorrow, as i really did have a random question for anyone who felt like answering/commenting. how long does it take you to write a post? cause it takes me damn near forevers. i generally spend about 90 minutes thinking about it earlier in the day or the night before, then 45 minutes before i actually start typing. and the typing part can take anywhere from 20 to 55 minutes. my posts go through more drafts than my senior year thesis, which i'm sure says a lot about my priorities, and it's all true. just wondering if i'm the only one who spends half their waking hours posting, or if the rest of you are speedy literary genuises.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

free beer!

the only music i listen to is on my iPod. i have a subscription to rhapsody, but haven't turned it on in months, so i'm really just a patron of the arts, as oppossed to some one who appreciates and experiences them. maybe someday i'll be both.

the thing is, it's not really my iPod. i have it on indefinite loan. i think. and the person who truly owns it has a much different taste in music than i do. so, to be fair, the earbuds often act only as earplugs while i try to find a song i like. the other day was awesome (but not the day we were suppossed to mention everything that went right) because of the first 63 songs i liked more than half of them! i will list for you the first 10 songs that show up on the iPod, and if you're the first to guess who the true, rightful owner of this iPod is, i'll buy you a beer. and if you can find the thingy that lets me hook up the iPod to my computer so i can listen to some goddamn NIN on my way to a job interview, i'll buy you all the beer you can drink in one night!
  1. "ice ice baby" - vanilla ice
  2. "pac man" (techno version) - no clue
  3. "tank!" - cowboy bebop
  4. "breakfast at tiffany's" - deep blue something
  5. "victory rap" - parappa the rappa
  6. "flagpole sitta" - harvey danger
  7. "the sounds of science" - beastie boys
  8. "tetris theme" - less than jake
  9. "gin & juice" - phish
  10. "baby got back" - sir mix-a-lot
  11. "poison" - bel biv devoe
i had to throw number 11 in there for the fun of it. and now i'm going to spend the rest of this post listening to it. i'm really glad nothing obvious showed up, that would sorta take all the fun out of it. trust me, it gets much worse. once i have a winner i'll be sure to post some real gems.

and remember - never trust a big butt and a smile. i'm gonna go turn rhapsody on now.

Friday, March 07, 2008

you've lost me

what the f is up with you, "lost?" you kill charlie, show a bunch of future stuff, and now you spend all your time showing juliet's smug face? i hate her, and i hate you for giving her screentime. wah.

i was suppossed to go to a social tonight with the cult, but decided that it would be more fun instead to perform home improvements (fun isn't really the right word. i just didn't feel like drinking. it's so weird. i hope you'll still be friends with me).! first i was going to change the bulb in my bedroom light fixture. it's no biggie, i did it about a month ago (hey - i've been here for over a month! who lost money on that one?) and you just unsrew the bottom part and the shade - OMG THE ENTIRE LIGHT FIXTURE IS HANGING BY WIRES! ... ... i'm sure that'll be fine until tomorrow.

then i went to target. the target by me puts all other targets to shame. when you come visit me, i think i'll have to take you there. seriously. i bought a drapery rod, among other things, but i'm really just going to focus on the item essential to our story. i was in need of a drapery rod because i have curtains, ahem, drapes that match my comforter. i've never hung these drapes because when i lived in the purple house there were 3 bedroom windows and one set of drapes and when i lived in the other house i just didn't care and now i live here. so at 10:30 PM CST, i stood on my spinning office chair and attempted to drill a hole to hang the mounting hardware that would eventually hold the drapery rod from which my drapes would be all flowy and pretty. yeah, didn't quite work out. turns out, my exterior walls (the ones the windows are in) are solid concrete. or my screw gun sucks. either way, it took 20 minutes to make a puff of dust. i'm not quite sure what to do about this yet.

there's not much stuff in my bag that's unusual. i have an old school/classic/original iPod mini. a whole lotta resumes. i'm also carrying around my passport as it counts as two forms of ID for the I-9. i've also got a map of the trains in all their pretty colors in my bag, but i haven't had to use that in days (i had to take the blue line, cut me some slack). i also have some hand sanitizer ... ... that's been leaking all over a highlighter and a bobbypin. thanks BufBloPoFo - i never would have dug around in my bag and found that if it wasn't for you!

i have to go wash my hands now. they're covered in hand sanitizer.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

that was fun!

i didn't make any new life-long friends last night, but i didn't expect to either. i just wanted to have some fun and play some board games and converse with human beings. mission accomplished. with flare, i might add. however, i am finding it kind of odd that everyone keeps telling me that i need to go to "smut & eggs", which is when they make breakfast at midnight and watch 70's porn. don't get me wrong, i think that sounds awesome, i just don't know why everyone else assumes i think it's awesome. at any rate, i'm going to wait until i've at least made some month-long friends. that way i'll have someone to critique with. and someone to tell me what moves are to be done often or "not to be tried at home, ever." in case i forgot. cause i haven't had sex in a while. shut up.

i've had a few FI (fake interviews) this week that i feel pretty good about. they're less fake (LFI) because one of the recruiter firms searched me out (i was head hunted - woo hoo!) and the other firm specializes in HR, so that's cool. and i have a slew of calls to return tomorrow. couldn't do it today, i was too busy getting a facial, massage and shopping. i lead a hard life.

i watched every cartoon ever as a kid. i still love cartoons. that makes sense. but comic books had a way bigger hold on me. i loved to read (still do) and i loved cartoons and i LOVED the fact that they combined the two. my mom knew i loved the books but was terrified of the coin dealer who happened to sell some comic books in the corner and glared at you every time you walked in, so she would get me subscriptions for christmas (it worked better in those days). props to johnny for reminding me that i was no longer 8 and any comic book shopkeeper would be happy to see me.

and now i'm a lazy comic book shop reviewer! what an impact batman has had on me. first i rocked the sexy librarian look a la barbara gordon, and now i only date guys who have shark repellent on their belt. i'm sure that's normal.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

in a rush

my biggest pet peeve doesn't exist anymore. it used to be "people who don't understand that you stand on the right of an escalator if you're standing, so that people on the left can walk/jog up the escalator and escape your crappy perfume that much faster." chicagoians understand this. so do new yorkers and DCers and parisians. london gets it too, but they do it the opposite way. it's always opposite day on that island.

i'm not going to talk about the other things that annoy me. the list is way too long and i don't have that kinda time today.

i tried an experiment last night. i drugged myself (completely legally, with prescription drugs) so that i would go to bed at a normal time. then, i got up at a more normal, but still not completely normal, time. i think after a few more days of this i'll be ready to ruin all my hard work by the weekend.

tonight is my first event with the social club. i'm pretty sure it's not a cult. at least, not the kinda cult that says you have to die to have everlasting life. i'm pretty sure this is the kinda cult that says you have to drink to have everlasting fun. sign me up! oh wait, i'm already signed up. game night is the theme tonight. i love board games. i really need to get in at the monopoly table and kick some ass. i'm sure that'll endear me to everyone.

and in honor of our tireless leader:

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

my clothes are famous

i have no idea who should play me in a movie. definitely not me. i would be much better suited for being the key grip or maybe in charge of craft services. but certainly not acting. best to leave that to the pros. take my clothes for instance, they are awesome at acting. i recently saw my favorite skirt in the movie "the ten." a movie so terrible that i refuse to link to it. but hey, we all got to start somewhere. a much loved cardigan of mine got a start as a cameo on "the office." off to a much better start.

i can't believe i was horrified by "the office" at first. i guess it was the HR jerk in me just constantly freaking out over michael scott's antics. so glad i got over that.

i'm watching "logan's run." man, this movie is messed up. i'm not going to link to this movie cause it's too soon to tell if it's worth linking to yet. although, the costumes are pretty choice.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

catching up

if i'm going to properly join BufBloPoFo, i guess i should comment on the topics that have been recommended to us:

1. i got my first blog in january 2003 at easyjournal. in july i switched to livejournal cause all my friends in nyc were doing it and easyjournal was sorta lame. then i stopped using livejournal in august 2005 cause some jerks were reading it and making mean comments. but i missed blogging so i joined blogspot in december 2005 cause all my buffalo friends were doing it. i chose this theme cause i love polka dots. i'm pretty straightforward like that.

2. i talked about my best gift ever over here, but to sum up, the best gift i ever got was a scrapbook that my sister made for me. most thoughtful gift ever. that kid rocks.

i am the laziest person i know. you would think that with all this spare time i have that i would be doing all kinds of crazy things. nope. us lazy people are just as content to sit around in our jammies and surf the web. which is not why i moved to chicago. it's not like the web is any different out here than it is in buffalo. the real problem is that i don't have a job and i've fallen victim to classic unemployment syndrome. i have no schedule and sad to say, no motivation to make one for myself. cleaning day used to be sunday. now it's saturday, sunday or monday. craziness! so, to compromise with myself (since i'm not going to get up at 7 everyday for no reason) i'm going to do something (anything) everyday. because really, my office chair is way too comfy for my own good.

so today i went to a comic book store (you know where you can read about it) and then i went to see "vantage point." i had a really good vantage point for this movie, middle, no one in front of me. so let me tell you my view: it's terrible. poorly executed and the acting was nothing spectacular either. they even made the 'splosions boring!

i also saw a woman walking her cat outside. the cat seemed to like it a lot (for reals!) which made it seem less strange. i would give that a try with my cat, but she's even lazier than i am. i at least enjoy walking once i'm off my butt, but ol' harls only walks to find a comfier place to lay down. or to meow in my face to prove her continued displeasure with her diet kitty food. too bad she can't meow at me when i'm outta da hizz-ouse!