Tuesday, January 29, 2008

for all to see

this drawing caused quite the hubabaloo (or other mishmash of syllables) at work today. those who didn't receive it felt very left out, once they learned of its existence. perhaps they should have tried sucking less if they wanted the invite.*

at any rate, i love this pic. lots. not only does it sum me up very well (right down to my sparkly pointed shoes) but i also got to be outgrabes' first attempt at drawing boobs - clearly in my new bra, nonetheless. she done good! next up: drawing horses from the front.

*for those of you who live out of state - you don't need to suck less. you just need to live less far away. or not. really, it's up to you.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

waterproof mascara may be a good investment

i almost pulled the plug on the whole thing friday morning. seriously. the ratio of "i'm so excited!" to "i can't stop sobbing" has drastically shifted in the other direction. i had to wash my face three times before i could leave for work because i kept finding mascara on my chin. i think i'm dehydrated. it broke my heart last night when my sister just wouldn't let me go. she wants to come visit me a week after i move. i might keep her. she said that'd be fine. her boyfriend looked sad 'til i said he could come too.

i know i can always come back. and i think that's the only thing keeping me sane. i promised myself i would stay in chicago until august. i'm sure it'll be great and august will come and go, but for now, i'm absolutely terrified. it took me 28 years to make friends with all of you and the idea of having to start over, well, i don't like it.

so, yeah, please don't roll your eyes too much when i make my gajillionth trip to the bathroom to blow my nose during my bon voyage party. i'd say something cute about "it's my party and i'll cry if i want to" but then you'd get that song stuck in your head and i wouldn't want to do that to you. but, on the plus side, my eyes turn green and my lips get all angelina jolie-y when i cry, so that could be good for pictures, right?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

making a list and checking it twice

the first month's rent is paid.

the movers have my deposit (best news for you - they are doing all of the loading and unloading!)

the one-way flight is booked (i just need to a make a little passport for harlee).

the vet appt is made.

and the packing is going ok.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

i amuse myself

turns out that rob (who is clearly a relative of bob's) is at o'hare. this makes sense, seeing as how i haven't seen him since i started flying midway.

also, this bra has changed my life. you should go buy one or nine if you're a lady; and gentlemen, you should be one or nine for your ladies.

Sunday, January 20, 2008


so far, the great estate (or fire, if you're bob) sale of 2008 has brought me a sum total of $396.75 and some most excellent beauty products. not bad my friends, not bad. the storage room, err, livng room is emptying out nicely. but don't be shy - come and take more of my stuff! in the next day or so i will start ranting with a "it's free. here's a bag, take as much as you want, just get it away from me" alternated with "can we please take another carload to goodwill?" cause in all seriousness, who needs an electric, light-up aquarium? you, that's who.

i'm not good at packing. this probably brings up feelings of hatred and violence in some of you, but it's true. and it's not for lack of trying. i really am spending a whole lot of time packing lately, i just don't really know how to do it. like, how much padding do pictures need? is it more time/space effective to keep my clothes on the hangers, or take them off? and why is my cat snuffling like she has emphysema?

i also need to apply for a new social security card. i feel like i might need one of those someday. anyone know how i do that?

ok, back to work.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

i really should check my voicemail more often

at 3:39 PM, today, i was approved for my very first chicagoland apartment - without a job or a cosigner. ha ha, suckas!

welcome home

so, what've you been up to this week? really - that sounds like fun. me? oh, not much. went to chicago, applied for an apartment. you want to see it? well, too bad you can't. they're busy putting in my new carpeting and cabinets. but you can look at this one, it's just like mine, only no one will ever walk on my carpet with shoes. yeah, it's a bit more north than i was hoping for, but all in all, i can't wait to live there.

so, now that i have a place to live (paperwork pending approval) i get to dedication all of my time to worrying about the real important things. like, how am i going to make some friends. that's kinda what i wanted a job for. yes, yes, i know i need a job to pay for my sweet bachlorette pad and to procure those deliciously expensive martinis i so love, but i figured an extra coat of mascara and a low cut shirt could at least take care of the latter. heck, we got free shots on tuesday and we weren't even wearing mascara and had shirts on that came up to our noses. i think chicago is my kinda town.

but i'm really worried about finding people i'll like spending time with. yeah, i'm worried about finding people who like spending time with me too, but unless everyone's been lying to me, i'm apparently a ton of fun to hang out with. it's everyone else who can be really lame. i mean, look at how long it took me to find all of you non-lame people! oh, and seriously, i am bummed that i won't be able to walk to 44 anymore. not even if i doggy-paddle too.

on an entirely different note, read this book. i'm reading it going, why does this sound so familiar? oh, i know! it sounds exactly like my blog (i.e. full of the self-depreciating tangents you all know and love) - if my blog was about grey goose... and sex with hot black men. she better not steal my corporate sponsor.

Friday, January 11, 2008


i rarely do anything half-assed. well, that is actually a terrible lie. i just don't do anything i consider important half-assed, and i consider few things important. that being said, i have applied to nearly 1,000 jobs (actually, i have net-minions to do this for me, and a great many of the jobs are "2nd shift press operator", but, you get the idea) by staying up far too late. my wrist hurts from all the clicking leading to my having sympathetic feelings for those addicted to porn and afflicted with tendonitis. but do i take a break to heal my poor wrist? no! i instead show the same flagrant disregard for moderation and send my leasing minion a list of 27 apts. i want to look at and email 30 people who have sublets i'd like to see. and i have to tell you, i am really entranced by words like "workout room," "bike storage," and "doorman." couldn't tell you why - it's not like i workout or have a bike, and i can open my own doors, thank you very much. look at me being all empowered and shit.

perhaps i should be going to chicagoland (isn't that the cutest nickname you've ever heard for a city that i didn't make up?!) for more than two days...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

i was serious, ya know...

i really am looking to sell just about everything i own. don't believe me? come to my house on thursday the 17 and take a look at everything i'm getting rid of... furniture, electronics (surround sound, anyone?), glasses of the martini variety and of course, a disgusting amount of clothes. everything will be incredibly low priced (in some cases, the cost is merely enduring my hugs as you take it away) and we can barter too! you have makeup you'll never wear... i have clothes you'll never wear but still want to own.

so come on down around 6 PM, have some drinks and then we'll head to 44 to meet the boys and celebrate how much fun we just had!

so tell your friends, tell your enemies, heck - tell your frenemies - just come on down and take my stuff away cause movers are much more expensive than you.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

everything must go!

i'm currently faced with the fact that are not enough hours in the day to do everything i want/need to do. work takes up approximately 9 of those hours. sleep is eating up 8-9 hours. then there's the job searching, packing and cleaning. and i want to hang out with my friends and loyal readers!

i hate to say it, but this current job, of which i have 15 more days is at the bottom of the priority list. but lets face, it's really been that way for the last oh, 10 months? i've always wondered what it's like to work part time. i think now's about time to find out.

this weekend i am going to make 3 piles in my apartment. stuff i'm taking with me cause i don't know how to live an enjoyable life without it, stuff i'm making my parents store cause while i don't need it with me i need to know i can visit it, stuff i'm selling/giving to you since you've been coveting it since the day we met and while you may stop talking to me once you actually get it - it's a risk i'm willing to take. and yes, i'm including the gold top from BR. yes, that one.

i need a new profile pic. i think it's time the olives get a rest.

btw, when you tell me how awesome my blog is, it makes me really nervous that i'll write a lame post and then you won't want to read my blog anymore cause it's no longer awesome. but i really like being told how awesome i am, so, maybe you should just compliment me more so i get used to it?

Saturday, January 05, 2008

let the games begin!

this weekend marks the birthday trifecta. the triple crown of birthdays, if you will. who knows what adventures will ensue when the humanist, b a start and the automatic rebalancer all get together. i can only assume it will be momentous. and may possibly even encourage one, or all three, to post.

here's hoping i live to read them.

Friday, January 04, 2008


i stole this from a blog that i adore. imitation is the laziest form of flattery!

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
made difficult decisions that were actually good! for me! i could get used to doing that.
i also joined an online dating service. and then 3 minutes later freaked out and deleted my account... mostly cause all my "matches" were, well, freaks.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i steadfastly refuse to make new years' resolutions (there is a post in draft stage all about this). but i do vaguely remember promising myself that NYE 2007 would be better than NYE 2006. and it was, in a bajillionish ways.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
just the one!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
just the none!

5. What countries did you visit?
canadia. i love that place.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
a job that i enjoy. and plans to do fun things i hadn't done before.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
memorial day. tis the day i finally figured out what i wanted and didn't want in this life o' mine. and then may 30, which is when i did something about it.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
umm, hmm, does #7 count? i mean, that was sorta a big deal to me. oh, and i gots letters after my name now.

9. What was your biggest failure?
umm, hmm, does being naive count?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
christ. in 2007 i had surgery twice. and after a brief reprieve from the ear infucktions of doom, my sinuses decided it was their turn to hate on me.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my precious.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
lots of peoples! i think i've documented the celebrating in past posts. and i'll do it again tonight, just to be sure.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
mine, once or twice. and others, once or twice dozen.

14. Where did most of your money go?
j.crew, grey goose, southwest airlines.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
moving to chicago :)

16. A quick mix that will always remind you of 2007?
anything that starts with "lets play the sonos game!"
but really, it's just "a little respect" by erasure that sticks out.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
doing whever the f i felt like. hard to believe i actually held back, huh?

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
making gingerbread houses with my sister and swearing up a storm. playing board games with the fam and eating until i can't move, and then having more family fun!

21. How will you be spending New Years?
breakfast brunch with mom and sister, running errands with sister and then getting ready for a fabulous party with one of my college roommates, going to said fabulous party. oh, and turning 28... yikes!

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
i, well, i don't know. if you figure it out, let me know please.

23. How many one-night stands?
none. i plan on keeping it that way.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
dexter, and now journeyman

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i don't think i actually hate anyone. partly cause it takes so much effort and i'm really lazy, but mostly cause i realized it's totally pointless.

26. What was the best book you read?
do comics count? no? well, then wicked. it was good, in a way i didn't expect.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
that i made on my own? dude, i gots people to do that for me.

28. What did you want and get?
so many lovely things!

29. What did you want and not get?
my freakin' diploma to come in the mail! seriously, what is the hold up?

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
superbad. i almost blew a gasket from laughing!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
see #21. or, to sum up, i had a really great and lovely time. i was 27, but then i turned 28.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
oh, there's no need to talk about that.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
j.crewlicous and/or slutting it up. :)

34. What kept you sane?
the fact that my brain chemistry is such that i'm not insane? oh, and having fantastic friends and family. those are good to have too. but the brain thing is clutch.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
christian bale. but it's a mature fancying. i really just want to have a pint with the guy and get to know him.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the fact that some want to make birth control and abortion illegal. one helps prevent the other, and the other is a choice i hope to never have to make, but i'd like the option available, please. especially for everyone else.

37. Who did you miss?
i always miss all of my friends and family when they're not around. but i can't be everywhere at once!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
the humanist. sure, i met him in 2006, but we didn't actually talk until summer 2007. and, i too, really enjoyed spending time with people i had previously met.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
times when it is a bad idea to wear high heels:
going out drinking w/o eating first
navigating steep, muddy hills
bar-hopping in chicago

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
well, she was an american girl
raised on promises
she couldn't help thinking there
was a little more to life
somewhere else
after all it was a great big world
with lots of places to run to

and there was another one that i realized last night, but 4 martinis later, i don't remember.

Thursday, January 03, 2008


have you ever seen anything more adorable in your life?!

who wants to let me watch them play?