Friday, December 30, 2005

i think i've survived payroll end of year crap. although, i still could really use a nap. which i will have after my birthday happy hour, before the birthday happy hours.

this week's been kinda odd. actually, no. my cat's been kinda odd. it would seem that without johnny here 24/7 to keep him company, zot needs to be by my side at all times. he took this to the extreme yesterday when he was sitting on floor, deperately meowing to be picked up and i was having none of it. "dude, i'm getting ready for work." "meow?" "i said no - i'm busy now!" "meowrow!" and then he jumped on my shoulder. no, i'm no amazon queen, or even a courtier, but i daresay the fact that my cat jumped onto my shoulder while i was standing from the floor is still a feat worth mentioning. granted, he used my pudge as a step stool to get his back paws on my shoulder, but still, my cat's got mad ups. if there was a kitty basketball league, his contract woudl be worth millions. but now i'm terrified of zot. if he can jump incredible heights, what else can he do? besides shred my arm, i already knew about that.

today was a sanctioned dress down day - we found out about it yesterday. i took it upon myself today to be the mascot for an overpriced clothing store, and i think i did quite well. i was really working for j.crew, but i fear i may have looked more abercrombie. i just really hope i didn't look like a prep school whore, that would totally ruin the image i try to keep at work. as long as they never see me outside i think i can continue to pull it off...

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Thanks, i feel much better. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog reading.

Friday, December 23, 2005

there are some pretty flashy blogs on this here someday, i'll learn how to do that too. or not. either way, i'll keep on using this thing as a reprieve from doing payroll. or, i could say that i'm playing with it to keep up my html skills while IT tries to unbury my ERAP site from whereever they put it. i'm sure Dan'll buy that.

today, as i'm sure all of you are aware, is christmas eve's eve. which means no work is getting done, even though i'm here. everyone is a jolly mood and wearing hats, or dressed like the mascot for L.L.Bean and nothing productive is anywhere in sight. i love the holidays. i really do. for all of my hateful, evil spewing ways, there's something about christmas that just fills me with joy. i love everything about it - the way the lights look outside when snow lands on them, the finding of the perfect present for that certain someone, wrapping it, giving it and seeing the smile in their eyes. and yeah, i'll admit, i really like getting presents too. i don't care how much they cost, i'm old enough now that i can say and actually mean it when i say it - "it's the thought that counts." of course, it helps if thought was put into it. but even if it's just a random gift, i'm so overloaded on happy from this time of year that i'm still all a glow when i open it.

so yeah, i can't concentrate on work today because i'm too giddy at the thought of going home, helping my mom wrap her last presents (she can't wrap to save her life while i consider each present i wrap to be a work of art) drink some wine and watch some bad movies. and then - christmas morning and suddenly i'm like a little kid again (more so than usual) and life seems simple and innocent again. and in a way, it is. the dog plays in the discarded wrapping paper, dad makes bacon and life is good.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

i've been watching a lot of hbo on demand lately. maybe it's because i like holding the remote and saying "i demand you!" maybe it's because i'm just to lazy to fold laundry instead. either way, here are the things i've learned.
  1. sometimes you have to take your clothes off to get the good roles. natalie portman as alice in "closer" plays one of the most complex and intriguing characters i've ever seen, and she does it superbly. but she does some of her best work in a g-string. and no, i don't mean it like that.
  2. movies brought to you by the EPA will make you hate the EPA, even if you liked them before hand. "the day after tomorrow" sucks. there's no other way to say it. it actually has science in it. of course, i have no idea if the science is true or not, but i bought it. the problem is that you're treated like an idiot the whole time. first of all, everyone knows that global warming can cause extreme weather shifts, including extreme cold. you did not have to spend 45 minutes explaining that to me with bad special effects. secondly, wolves are not violent killers, unless they're rabid or starving, which these wolves were not. thirdly, jake gyllenhall is only cute when sheepishly smiling, so, he should not be put in a corner pouting - EVER!
  3. you can't say "spanglish" without smiling. in high school french we called in franglais (french + anglais which is french for english) and my cousin matt and i spoke a lot of franglais in france. oddly enough, the french thought it was adorable and then an adorable boy offered to take me out to dinner but i said no because i was too scared to go out with a strange boy.
in other related tv news, there's this show called "deal or no deal." now, from what i can tell through my vino haze, the point of this show is that 26 chicks in matching dresses come on stage holding suitcases. the contestant picks one and keeps it. he then tells chicks to open other cases which hold various amounts of money in them. sometimes the bank calls and offers to buy back your suitcase. the point is - NOTHING ever happens. but! you drink some wine and suddenly you're screaming "pick number 8 - 8 is great! why won't you pick 8 you jackass?!"

in summation - folding laundry is yucky. hbo on demand is good. hbo on wine is better.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

i told a fat kid today that he couldn't sit next to me on the bus. i stood up and said that us normal sized people were sick of being oppressed by the large and unsightly hips of his kind and that i would no longer be made uncomfortable because they're too lazy to walk to the back of the bus where there are more empty seats!

that didn't really happen, but it would have been great if it did.

so, i took this finance exam a couple of hours ago. it made me know god, and i hate him. the prof told us to concentrate on the second half of the semester when studying, so i did - and most of the exam was on the first half! gah! i already rocked that material on the midterm, why are you testing me again on it after i forgot all of it?! all i know is, i went into that final with an A - and if i came out wiht anything lower than a B, i'll be hella pissed. but everyone feels terrible about it too, and the prof likes to curve, so maybe i'll be ok after all. and if not, well, it's not like i ever need to take that course again! you know, this post was much more humorous in my head when i was livid. sorry about that.

last week i went to my favorite bar's 20th anniversary party. it was great to eat free food and drink with friends, it always is, but if i was a bar owner, i'd be way more inclined to throw a big party for the 21st anniversary. just cause, well, you know.

tomorrow is the office party. i'm looking forward to it, and dreading at the same time. i think it'll be fine as long as i don't get stuck talking to the boring people. you know the people i mean, the ones who think they know how to party but leave at 7 after one drink? yeah - i don't want to talk to them anymore than i have to.

so, now i'm on winter break from school. that means more time to do productive things - like wrap christmas presents and send out christmas cards! i really love doing that kind of stuff - i take great pride in wrapping my presents. and no, i do not want to be martha stewart when i grow up.

i think johnny's almost done dorking... time to watch me some "nip/tuck!"

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

there i am, washing my face after a long day, and in walks the love of my life, the sun of my day, the laughter of my soul, zot. and johnny came too. so i casually mention to johnny that our office holiday party is next wednesday (but it's ok cause jess will be there to entertain him while alex and i slowly get very drunk and hope that no one notices the miscreant misanthropes discussing obscure pagan rituals in the corner), which somehow led him to tell me all about the diatribe he had today on his blog regarding eugenics.

now, i'm all for random conversations, i have to be - i live with johnny, but this was a bit much, even for me. all i really wanted was to seque into, "hey, chilean dog man, how about getting a hair cut, you damn hippie!" but instead i learned how much fun blogging is. again. hello, been there, done this, but what the heck, why deny the world of my ramblings. god knows the homeless don't.

speaking of people i hate, fat kids should not be allowed to take the bus. for starters, they clearly need the exercise, and as if that's not bad enough, they always end up sitting in half of your seat and looking at you like you're the asshole! hello, could you try moving over some? oh, what's that you say, you can't? well, how about being less fat. don't look at me like that until you learn to say no to the second dozen donuts. and you smell.

hmm... i forgot how fun this is...