Saturday, August 30, 2008

i'm engaged!

in battle. with the humanist. i was going to let him think he won and have let him have his little ego boost, until i was forced to learn through facebook that he's dating someone. how rude! apparently, when you live more than 5 miles from the humanist, he no longer feels as though you're worthy of being notified in person of his major life changes. i, on the other hand, am a considerate friend and thoroughly update him on all of my single activities.

i'm hurt.

and what do girls do when they've been wounded? do they sit in a corner and whimper? no, they fight tooth and nail to win blog war '08.

so, eric, i accept your terms. most comments on a single post by september wins. i can see you've already been trying your dangdest to get comments and have gotten up to four. poor boy, do you know what you've gotten yourself into?!

Monday, August 25, 2008

i'm miserable

i hate my job. actually, that's not true. i hate my boss. but even more than i hate her, i hate what all this hate is doing to me. i'm constantly tired. i have no desire to see friends or talk to people. it took all of my energy to be spunky for half an hour with the outdoorsman (you ain't no wannabe in my book) but in the back of my head all i could think about was how lunch would be over far too soon...

but mostly, i hate how i've lost the will to blog.

so, in an effort to not let the worksies get me down, i've decided to do something about it. that something being... look for a new job! cause, ya know, it was so much bloody fun six months ago, i can only imagine how much fun it'll be this time around.

but, have no fear gentle readers, my misery did not cloud my eyes so much that i missed the fact that blog war III has begun. i was just pushed further into my emo funk by realizing that the humanist thinks that exposition is the same as truly baring one's soul and that the number of comments your blog receives is a sure sign that you're an excellent blogger. those of us who have integrity don't blog to be discussed or commented on, we hope to leave our readers (if we have any) with a sense of introspection and enlightenment. or to just get a lot of shit off our chests.

so, yes, kind sir, if you feel the need to fight the forces of niceness and self-examination, i'll take you on. just try not to cry into your blog when i'm done with you.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


ryan gosling and rachel mcadams are back together!

this really makes me much happier than is probably normal.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

history lesson

the humanist has called my "punk ass" out. i'll accept his challenge, but methinks it would first be appropriate to take a stroll down memory lane... lest history repeat itself:

blog war the first:

my challenge: write about sports and post youtube videos.
uh, that's a check and a double check.

the humanist's challenge: write about his feelings,

i think they call that a forfeit, my friend.

blog war the second:
(get corporate sponsorship)

me: greenfern, ahem, greenfern

the humanist: ...

so, uh, yeah. feel free to tell me what the terms are. i'll gladly beat yo' ass down!

Sunday, August 17, 2008


there are important matters to discuss. the royal toybox briefly reopened 9 days ago and then disappeared again. i completely understand that he has 3 lovely ladies who deserve his attention much more than the rest of us, but i think it'd be really cool if the propreitor of said toybox returned to musing about his daily adventures on a much more regular basis. i miss the funny witticisms!

(feel free to sign below if you too need more RT in your life.)

Saturday, August 16, 2008


i went to the dentist this morning. normally going to the dentist is fun. i watch the "finding nemo"-esque aquarium, watch some tv, get told how great my teeth are and then i go on my way.

not today. today i was told i have 3 cavities (my first, second and third ever!) and that one might require a root canal. he then showed me pictures of what looked like the insides of a cartoon tooth getting sucked out through cartoon straws. i no longer like cartoons. just kidding on the last part.

also, i have TMD which i suspected due to the blinding pain i sometimes feel when i yawn or eat. also, when someone turns to you in the middle of a movie and asks if you could "keep that down" and they are referring to your jaw, you know there is a problem.

but - there's a plus side to this! i haven't been hallucinating, there really is a reason why my ears hurt all the time - it's my defective jaw! isn't that funny? want to know the best part? there's no cure! man, i'm so stoked. if i stop chewing gum and opening my mouth wide and buy a $500 mouth guard that my insurance doesn't cover and essentially never use my mouth again there's a good chance the pain won't get worse. in fact, it may even get slightly better.

i fucking hate going to the dentist.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

third times the charm

but im willing to go a fourth if you want.

...see you saturday.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

happy anniversary!

today is my 6 month anniversary in chicago! i sure hope i got myself something pretty...

this past weekend was pretty exciting. i went to bed at 8:30 PM on friday (man, that was so amazing) and on saturday i went and got the most enjoyable eyebrow wax ever. seriously, i would go there everyday if that wouldn't be super creepy and rather pointless. and then i went out clubbing. i don't often "club" and i don't often bring the girls out to play, ya know what i'm saying? i don't think i'm ever going to go clubbing again. or, if i do, i am going to insist that my friend that i thought was gay but really wanted to prove to me how gay he wasn't waits with me on the corner while i attempt to catch a cab at 3 AM and am told by a large scary man to "get the fuck in my SUV now, bitch!" luckily, my shoes hurt so i was more mad than scared. actually, i still am mad. who the heck was he to tell me what to do? pff, it's not like it was a lincoln navigator. and then there were the guys in the limo. stupid drunk is stupid annoying.

the more i think about it, the more i'm thinking that i was mistaken for a prostitute. which means prostitutes lead very busy lives full of all kinds of obnoxious people. they deserve every penny they make. and i hope those guys tip.

and my favorite part of that night - i was wearing j.crew. can't guys recognize silk chiffon when they see it?

on sunday i went to my first cubs game since high school. my coworkers are so nice to take me out and not make fun of me when i ask if the ball went out of bounds. "yes... that was a foul ball." "oh, foul, right. want a beer?"

but it was a great way to spend a sunday afternoon and it's always fun to watch little kids get super excited over stuff.

FYI, i have a crush on michael phelps.