haven't done this in a while

have you missed the long, rambling, incredibly emotional posts? yeah, me too.

i can't believe prop 8 passed. i can't tell if i want to throw up or throw my laptop out the window. actually, if i did that, i probably would throw up after. i would never hurt you, baby.

in answer to your question, yeah, i am for realz on the whole peace corps thing. just like that very emotional msnbc man who said in video what i feebly attempt to say via blogging, i'm disgusted, nay, repulsed with my fellow americans right now. i don't know many gay people, and i certainly don't know their tales of hardship, but i still feel it is everyone's right to marry. i don't need first or second hand knowledge or desires or experiences to know that everyone should have that choice. i hope i never have to make the choice and don't know what i would choose if i did, but i still think all women should be able to have abortions. i just don't know what makes someone think it's so wrong to have choices. to decide for themselves what will make them happy. give their lives meaning. make them feel whole.

i'll tell you something, you faceless masses, that i never told anyone. one of the things that started my disenchantment with the roz had nothing to do with being accused of stealing, or being "underpaid and overworked" or any of that other crap. it was when the state announced that they were extending insurance benefits in a slightly better way to homosexual couples and my "mentor," the woman i looked up to and who in many ways was like my office mother for years, was offended by this. didn't think they deserved benefits at all. it wasn't the way god wanted us to live.

i let it slide when she looked down on me for living with my boyfriend when i wasn't married. a bit old school for my tastes, but i didn't hold it against her.

that day when i saw the horror in her eyes that "the gays" were getting treated almost like equals, i lost all respect for her. gone. here was a woman who be her own admission had gone through a terrible divorce and had first hand knowledge that not even all bible-approved marriages work, and she still thought that two guys or two gals didn't deserve the same choice. her broken marriage had more credibility than their potential ones.

let me tell ya, training was a real joy for me after that. she had a lot to teach me, but none of it seemed important.

where was i going with this? oh, right, the peace corps. i have some very selfish reasons for applying, which i'm sure we'll get to in subsequent posts, in addition to the whole "no matter how hard you try to assimilate there's a good chance you still may get sexually assaulted by the very people you're trying to help" warning that's at the very top of the webpage. yeah, we might have 3 or 5 dozen posts on that.

but, essentially, altruistic or not, my goal is this - to fucking make a difference. idealistic? yes. doable? oh fuck yeah. going to china or kenya or some country i've never heard of (i bet there's a lot of those) won't help gay americans marry, but it'll help. someone with something. that's really all i'm going for here.

and if i meet a homophobic californian they better hope to their narrow-minded, pathetic god* that my kick-boxing skills have worn off.

*i don't think all gods are pathetic - just the ones stupid people do stupid things in the name of.