NIN FAQs

i recently had the extremely wonderful opportunity to make up for the last several many years by attending two fan-effing-tastic NIN's shows. their last two ever in chicago. and it was amazing. worth every penny i paid to the ticket pimps on eBay and made me regret even more not just going by myself in years past when no one wanted to go with me. even made me regret not rearranging my vacation schedule on occasion so i could have gone. but really, enough with the not-good-enough excuses. i went, i rocked out, and i accidentally punched the guy behind me in the nose, which i felt bad about until i realized he liked it, and then i just felt weird.

while in the midst of enjoying the performances, i found myself pondering certain questions over and over, or at least once. and while i could probably find the answers online, that would take some of the mystery out of it. so, with no more unnecessary build-up, i present you with the ten questions i would ask trent reznor myself, if i was ever granted an audience with him and retained the ability to form syllables (cause he surely did not come to the window when i screamed his name or when i told peter murphy to go and get him, not that i would have been able to do much more than say "hi" anyway, and probably ask question #9).

1. did you tour with that crap band jane's addiction solely so you could have a tour called NIN/JA? cause while that's a pretty great name for a tour, you don't have to invite people to open for you just cause they invite you to their festival.
   
2. speaking of crap bands, by all accounts you seem way more business-savvy than your average MBA. what's with opening bands that confuse your audience they're so unlike NIN? is it so that way we're lulled into a comatose state and don't storm the stage when you walk out? if so, well played.
   
3. why are so many of your fans mouth-breathers?
4. i nominated and my friends seconded and thirded that you are, indeed, the sexiest tambourine player ever. how do you feel about that? and feel free to add that title to your business card.
   
5. when recording albums you play all instruments except for the drums. is it weird to go on tour and have someone else play your songs? especially since you're right there!
   
6. what's your favorite song to play?
7. what's the song that you'd rather beat your head against the drum kit than play it one more time, but you play it anyway cause the fans love the fuck out of it?
8. did you design the kick ass light show? please understand that i'm going to assume that if you can play 87 instruments that you also know how to arrange lekos, fresnels, etc. and program a light board to provide the most severe cornea burns allowed in the continental US.
9. who's your favorite superhero and why?
   
10. i'm real sorry i didn't make it to more of your concerts. it was totally me, not you. we still cool?