family disFUNction

ah, my family. we're nothing if not mad-cap and zany. or at the very least, frigging odd.

the story begins with a young lass sitting in a class room waiting for the prof to arrive. she checks her cell, weary with ennui, hoping that someone has offered a distraction. "ah," she smiles to herself, "my dear ol' dad has called, and as it's not bio-dad, that's pretty rad."

so, off she traipsed to the common area to return the call and learn what so important that daddums had to use his cell and couldn't wait for the lil' pain in the ass to get off the computer.

"hello?"
"hey dad, what's up?
"nothing, what're you doing?"
"waiting for class to start, you?"
"oh, just laying on the couch. wanna talk to your mom?"
"sure, if that's who called. i didn't check the voicemail"
"oh, ok. jackie - it's gab. she doesn't know"
"hey, honey, how are you?"
"fine, what's going on?"
"well, your dad had an accident"
"a what?"
"an accident. he cut his hand with a chainsaw"
"with a WHAT?!"

at this moment our dear, fair maiden nearly shat herself.

"a chainsaw. he's ok though"
"explain 'he's ok'"
"well, he had the surgery to reattach the tendons today"
"reatt - nevermind. and?"
"and there's about 20 stitches"
"and?"
"and when he gets the cast off he'll need physical therapy"
"my dad's in a cast?! jesus fucking christ. did it at least happen at work?"
"yeah, he's on comp now"

our heroine is nothing if not pragmatic.

"well, i'm glad he's ok"
"yeah, so, how are you? give me some good news"
"well, umm, let's see. i don't really have any - i mean i'm ok... i haven't played with a chainsaw, in like, ever"
"that's good! definitely for the best"

additional pleasantries were of course exchanged with the matriarch, but the time soon came when all ladies were required to return to the class room. while the prof was most entertaining, thoughts of things other than law tended to pervade our student's thoughts. i dare say it would be quite safe to bet that a certain southern belle will be heading home to her family's ancestral home to survey the damage herself.