in brief

watched a bunch of movies lately. here's what i have to say:

the professional - got milk?

speed racer - if NASCAR was as cool as the WRL i'd become a redneck right now.

indiana jones and the skull made out of crystal in a temple - aliens? really? did you really need to bring aliens into it?

batman: gotham knight - kinda like the animatrix, except that the live-action film that follows it doesn't suck.

get smart - oh steve carrell, you're so cute and silly!

did i mention i have this horrible habit of feeling horrible on the weekends? it means i'm great at going to work and gives me lots of time to watch movies on the weekends. livin' the american dream people - that's me.

haven't done this in a while

have you missed the long, rambling, incredibly emotional posts? yeah, me too.

i can't believe prop 8 passed. i can't tell if i want to throw up or throw my laptop out the window. actually, if i did that, i probably would throw up after. i would never hurt you, baby.

in answer to your question, yeah, i am for realz on the whole peace corps thing. just like that very emotional msnbc man who said in video what i feebly attempt to say via blogging, i'm disgusted, nay, repulsed with my fellow americans right now. i don't know many gay people, and i certainly don't know their tales of hardship, but i still feel it is everyone's right to marry. i don't need first or second hand knowledge or desires or experiences to know that everyone should have that choice. i hope i never have to make the choice and don't know what i would choose if i did, but i still think all women should be able to have abortions. i just don't know what makes someone think it's so wrong to have choices. to decide for themselves what will make them happy. give their lives meaning. make them feel whole.

i'll tell you something, you faceless masses, that i never told anyone. one of the things that started my disenchantment with the roz had nothing to do with being accused of stealing, or being "underpaid and overworked" or any of that other crap. it was when the state announced that they were extending insurance benefits in a slightly better way to homosexual couples and my "mentor," the woman i looked up to and who in many ways was like my office mother for years, was offended by this. didn't think they deserved benefits at all. it wasn't the way god wanted us to live.

i let it slide when she looked down on me for living with my boyfriend when i wasn't married. a bit old school for my tastes, but i didn't hold it against her.

that day when i saw the horror in her eyes that "the gays" were getting treated almost like equals, i lost all respect for her. gone. here was a woman who be her own admission had gone through a terrible divorce and had first hand knowledge that not even all bible-approved marriages work, and she still thought that two guys or two gals didn't deserve the same choice. her broken marriage had more credibility than their potential ones.

let me tell ya, training was a real joy for me after that. she had a lot to teach me, but none of it seemed important.

where was i going with this? oh, right, the peace corps. i have some very selfish reasons for applying, which i'm sure we'll get to in subsequent posts, in addition to the whole "no matter how hard you try to assimilate there's a good chance you still may get sexually assaulted by the very people you're trying to help" warning that's at the very top of the webpage. yeah, we might have 3 or 5 dozen posts on that.

but, essentially, altruistic or not, my goal is this - to fucking make a difference. idealistic? yes. doable? oh fuck yeah. going to china or kenya or some country i've never heard of (i bet there's a lot of those) won't help gay americans marry, but it'll help. someone with something. that's really all i'm going for here.

and if i meet a homophobic californian they better hope to their narrow-minded, pathetic god* that my kick-boxing skills have worn off.

*i don't think all gods are pathetic - just the ones stupid people do stupid things in the name of.

getting both feet wet.

i could've gone out tonight. i thought about it. considered it. picked out what i was going to wear and contemplated which lipstick would best match the shirt and make me look darling at the same time.

but, as you can probably tell, i decided against it.

i didn't feel like going to a bar or club or lounge and talking about things that don't matter while drinking someone else's idea of a good martini. (you want to know what sucks about chicago - no one knows how to make a good drink and they all make up for it by charging twice as much. yeah, that logic doesn't make sense to me either.)

instead, i decided to sit and think about what i really want to do. not tonight, but all those other nights in the future. and the days too. i've been looking for other jobs but nothing really interests me. i feel like it would just be a case of same crap bigger paycheck, or, if i'm really lucky, bigger crap same paycheck.

so, after applying to all those jobs that hold no interest for me (and let me tell you, my lack of interest is also clearly showing in my declining interview skills. i have no idea how desperate one suitor must have been to bring me back for a second helping) i did some research and finally did what i've wanted to do for years, but was always just too afraid.

i applied to join the peace corps.

blue is my second favorite color

i'm not gonna get all political on ya, best to leave that to the pros. or, at the very least, best to leave that to the people who should quit their day jobs and become full-time political bloggers.

but, i am incredibly proud of my country right now. i'll admit it, i haven't been so proud lately. but all that changed when i updated my google news feed wednesday morning.

i feel a really uplifting sense of hopefulness right now. that maybe obama can be our "third time's the charm" when it comes to ending racism (i'm counting lincoln and MLK, Jr in there - my apologies to rosa parks and countless others). we've had our growing pains. now it's time to suck it up and act like a mature country. ya know, use our power repsonsibly, like spidey would want us to.

i probably should have gone to grant park on tuesday, but i really don't like crowds. or portapotties. still, i'm glad it happened, regardless of my preference for indoor plumbing.