crap

i went to the doctor's today. a holistic doctor. who told me that all of my problems are caused by the fact that i eat crap, crap, crap all day long. apparently, the crap i eat feeds the yeast in my gut which raises insulin levels which means that progestrin doesn't get made which means i feel like crap.

so, for the next 6 weeks, all i can eat is raw nuts and berries. like, seriously. i can also have veggies and other fruits and 13 8 oz. glasses of water a day. and acupuncture to help me deal with the fact that detoxing my body is going to feel like i have the flu and a hangover and am dying from e.bola and other crap. mostly, i think i'm going to die from the lack of beef, beer and bread. grain free is NOT the way to be.

but! when this is all over, i should be healthier, less reliant on "better living through chemistry" aka all those legal drugs i take and have a slamming body. i mean, pochahontas looked pretty good in her leggings and god knows she was eating nuts and berries like they were going out of style. then again, so do bears, and they're kinda fat asses. crap.